Starving; A Sherlock Fanfic

Misunderstandings

John's POV

I woke with the blanket I'd wrapped around the two of us last night still on top of us. Sherloch has moved from leaning  with his head on my chest too being curled up by my side with his arms around my waist. I decided instead of trying to move him or waking him up I'd let him sleep.
I'd found him like that, sitting on the floor, sobbing, and talking to himself. I held him and he fell asleep in my arms. I found the blade and put it in my room under the mattress so he wouldn't find it, I still haven't decided what to do with it.
I looked down at the peacefully sleeping Sherlock. I smiled a bit and slowly slid out from under him, careful not to wake him. I stand and stretch, my neck hurts from sleeping in such an awkward position. I start making coffee and toast. Once that's done I see Sherlock start to wake.
Eventually he sits up sleepily and looks around in confusion. Realizing where he is, he groans and falls back to the floor, covering his face with the blanket.
I chuckle a little at this and his curls which stuck out in every direction. "I made coffee and toast." He just grumbles something incoherent in response. "Good morning to you too." I reply.
After a few minutes he pulls himself up and wanders into the kitchen slowly. I watch him pour a cup of coffee, add sugar and take a sip. He then reaches into the cupboard and pulls out the Aspirin and takes about ten.
"Uh, you know you're not supposed to take that many at once, right?" I say in annoyance.
"Yes and you know, surprisingly, I really don't care." He responds sarcastically.
I open my mouth to argue back, but decide otherwise and roll my eyes instead.
Should I bring up last night? Does he even remember any of what he was saying?
"So uh..." I start, "What'd you do yesterday while I was out?"
"Not much really." He glanced over at me cautiously, "What about you?"
"Really? Nothing?"
"Yes, John, nothing," He stared at me suspiciously, "What do you want me to say?"
"So I didn't find you curled up against the wall talking to yourself?"
He froze, a look of realization crossed his face. "Ah, so that's why I was there. You say I was talking to myself, fascinating, really! Now if you'll excuse me I need a shower." He said quickly, grabbing his coffee and starting towards the bathroom.
"Sherlock stop." I said, and he did.
"What, John?" He sighed, "I need to shower, would you like me to just never shower? Or would rather just shower with me and we can talk then? No? Alright then!"
Well the second option didn't sound too bad I mean- wait what?! No! Not the point! (YOU CAN'T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS!!! XD) I shouldn't have said anything.
He started towards the bathroom again, "Now as I was saying-"
"Sherlock I don't hate you, you do know that right?" I interrupted quietly. I couldn't see his face, just his back, but I saw his shoulders tense.
"... I want to, John..." He began quietly, "I want to be able to know that..." And with that he shut the door to the bathroom.
I heard a fist slam against the counter, then silence for a second before I heard the water start running. I was left alone, with no words. My heart felt like it had stopped for a good second. He had to understand that. How can I make him understand that? I don't hate him, I could never. I wouldn't be alive if not for him. I... I might not know... exactly what I feel for him... but I definitely don't hate him.
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Do I smell Johnlock in the air??

S o
M aybe.
U nderstand
T he message??

*Cough* what was I trying to say again? Oh right! What do you guys want to see from this story, more angst (is that possible?)? Less angst? More fluff? Less? Smut?????? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS... Kinda... Endless within the confines of my writing abilities, so not very endless at all. Anyway, thanks guys, leave me feedback!!