I didn't get much sleep, I woke this morning super tired, I stayed up in the tree crying for hours. I just felt like my father was there comforting me, holding me, telling me everything was going to be just fine. I just felt wanted for a couple hours. I swear I know my father is always by, my side. I can just feel it in my bones. His spirit is with me. I got up out of bed and took a shower, and then go ready throwing on my sws T-shirt and my pair of suicide silence sweat pants, I was in love with. They were black and on one said it had the band name going down it, and on the other side it said wake up, which made me sad because it made me miss Mitch even more.
Just thinking about it, makes me realize how much pain his wife and daughter has to be in.. I know the feeling of losing someone in a accident. I just remember when I first time I found out, I wrote a long letter to her, telling her that his in a better place now. I was shocked when I got a letter back from her, she was thanking me, and what not. She told me she was also sorry for my lost, she told me never give up, that's he was still with me, and she wasn't lying.
It was 9:37am when I got done getting dressed, mom should be waking up soon so I was gonna go make some coffee, and breakfast for her, and get on her good side, so I can try to talk to her. I hope she wasn't still in her mood from yesterday night. As I walked downstairs I smelt bacon. Hmm... who could be cooking? Frank was at work, so it couldn't be him. I walked into the kitchen to see my mom cooking, drinking coffee. This was strange. Just then she noticed me and turned around and gestured for me to sit down. "I'm making you breakfast darling, then well go out and do something together. Okay?" She said smiling to me, and then looking down at the stove. What was going on, mom hasn't cooked in over a year. She wanted to hang out with me too? I really needed to see what my mom was up to.
"Mom, can I talk to about last night?" I said looking down at the floor, as I played with the food on my plate. I looked back up to see a frown on my mom face. "I'm sorry Bambi, I didn't mean to lay my hands on you, I never meant to hurt you, everything you said was all right. I'm not a mother. I mean look at who I've become, I left you to care for your own siblings, my sister hates me, and now she's watching over my kids. That's my responsibility. I let some man come between the one thing that matters most to me, my family. I'm so so so sorry Amber" my mom finished saying As she bursted into tears. "I feel like such a failure to you guys. You guys don't deserve to call me mom" I got up and grabbed her into a tight hug.
"Mom don't ever say that, your just going through a hard time. You can always turn your life around, you can always start fresh. I love you mom, you will never be a failure, we all make mistakes, we just need to learn from them, and move on. Your not alone mom. I'll be here with you, every step of the way. You need to get help." I finish saying looking at my mom in the face. "Amber let's get out of here, let's move to Texas with Bella. I'm ready to get help, but I can't do it living here in San Diego. Especially with Frank, hell probably try to come after us." She said making me widen my eyes, at first I was just gonna say alright, and then I remember Vic. "I can't mom, I can't just leave Vic, I love him, I can't just say goodbye.
He will be so upset, and so will I." I said feeling my heart beat fast. "Bambi, please I can't trust leaving you here. I know your 18, but your still my little, your gonna have to come with me. Plus I'm gonna need you, by my side when I go through this recovery. Well be leaving tonight, before Frank gets home." She said and that made me get even more upset. "But mom, that's not enough time for me to say goodbye." I said feeling like crying. "Well then you better start now, because you only got 3 hours until we leave. I already bought the tickets last night.
How could she have done this, why couldn't she wait a couple more days, I don't know how I was going to do this. I don't think I can, that's when I remember the promise I made my dad last night, I would do anything to help my mom out. I made that promise, and I was going to stick to it. This was going to hurt Vic , but I had to leave to help out my mother. I really hope he would understand. I really hope he wouldn't make it hard to do it.
I went into my room, and got dressed. I decided I was going to make a surprise visit to Vic's house, and just tell him, and leave. No matter how hard it will be, I had to do. I got in my car, and was in the front of his house in the matter of 15 minutes. I sat in the car, just looking up at his house, I suddenly broke into tears. How was I going to do this?
