I Chose You💕

I.

"I think that it's best that I get married," I blurt out when we sat down in our living room to talk about the recent happenings in my life. Getting married is the only thing I could think of in exchange of something I recently gave up. I need to protect myself from fitnah and if my niqab (face veil) can no longer do that, then my future partner in life would.

"Married?" Asked my mother suddenly alarmed. She was sitting beside me on the large sofa while Papa was on the single one.

"Married?" Repeated my father, on the other hand, giving it a thought.

I nodded solemnly to show them I was serious.

My mother could only stare at me unlike my father who looked past us in deep thoughts.

"Do you want to get married?" My father clarified after a moment of silence.

"Yes, Papa. I'm not getting younger--"

"Goodness, you're only 22 years old," cut my mother.

I smiled. "Mama, in Islam, that's considered old. Right, Papa?"

My father did not answer. My mother did. "So what do you call your sister? She's turning 26 soon!"

"That's what I'm saying," I laughed a bit. "But Khadija wants to be a doctor which she will be soon, in shaa Allah (God willing)."

They both muttered "In shaa Allah" in response.

"Papa, Mama, I want to do this. I'm done with school, got my title, I think I'm ready to start a family anyway."

"Is this you being rebellious?" Asked Mama.

"No, Mama," I immediately countered. "I get it that you want me to take my niqab off because I have a poor health condition. I do. I'm grateful that you have let me wear it while I can. And I don't blame you if you are very concerned of me. In fact, I'm very thankful."

"I understand, Kenzie. I know I should have done something about your marriage while you were younger," said my father.

I grew up in a decent family. My parents are both working. We live in Islamic principles as what my father has imposed. My father has graduated both in Western and Islamic education but chose to work as an engineer to provide for us. Mother, on the other hand, works in a government agency. Despite this, we practice Islam wholeheartedly. Few years ago, I have decided to wear the niqab. My parents did not have any qualms about this, they encouraged me in fact and supported me.

Wearing the niqab was something amazing. Subhanallah (Allah is perfect.). When I first wore it, I broke down and cried, feeling like I've been freed. Never in my life have I felt so free despite their allegations that it was an oppression. It was freedom to limit the others what part of me they could see, esp. guys with haram (illegal) gazes and intentions. Alhamdulillah (All praise is due to Allah).

I had continued wearing it for years, enjoying my freedom and ignoring those judging eyes. I was wearing it for the sake of Allah and it was Him I was pleasing, not the people around me. It's also my right to cover and protect myself. I was not harming others by wearing it so I ignored those gazes.

Though last month, while Mama and I were outside the mall waiting for Papa to pick us up, I fainted in the blazing heat of the sun. It was my first time I felt discomfort. Series of headaches followed. We were just about to let it go so I resorted to taking prescribed medicines. But then last week, while walking home from masjid, I fainted again.

I was advised to take it off in the mean time. I wouldn't want to really, but mother had to ask of me to remove it in the meantime. My father supported her, both worried for my health. In Islam, children are commanded to obey their parents as part of one's worship, unless they want to make you do something that is not in accordance with Islam.