I Chose You💕

III.

III.
We slept on each side of the bed, our backs to each other. I wasn't expecting anything after that conversation anyway. I'm ready for marriage but I think not yet in the intimacy, seeing that he didn't want it.

For now, I'll just content myself that he agreed with this. I know I have no right to demand anything that entails romance or any of those things girls daydream about. He's not in love with me, he doesn't even like me. So, I can't just expect us to get along with each other, right?

Besides, I, myself, have yet to fall in love with my husband.

Ya Allah, put love into our marriage just as how it is right in our deen. Love after marriage and not the other way around. Amīn.

It was long after I had fallen into sleep, thinking about everything that has happened, reviewing my decisions and evaluating them. Doubts were forcing themselves into my thoughts, but I refuse to entertain them. I didn't want to have any doubts about this marriage. I wanted to stay positive that this marriage will be okay.

Even if it seemed impossible because my husband didn't want me, didn't have anything to do with this marriage.

Oh, ya Allah.

Kenzie, be firm.

I woke up for tahajjud and stayed in sujud for a long time, talking to my Creator about this, asking him to give me clarity. The rush of blood and oxygen in my head was overwhelming when I got up from prostration. After that I felt relieved, Alhamdulillah. I renewed my trust with Allah and strengthened my patience. Last night would only be one of the many confrontations in the future so I should brace myself. May Allah help me through it all.

🌾🌾🌾

Prior to the wedding, I found out that he prays five times a day as much as he can. So, I did not have any qualms when I woke him up for fajr prayer. He was still sleepy by the time he got up to make wudhu (ablution, to purify ones' self before prayer). He was still not talking to me, obviously, and just ignored me when he went out of the room to go to the masjid (mosque, house of worship for the Muslims). He went with my father.

As usual, my mother, after praying, is already down in the kitchen, preparing coffee or breakfast. This time I could smell coffee. I'm a coffee person so this made me feel alive at least.

When the men came back, we had our coffee. My parents talked to Mikhail, making him feel comfortable. I could see that he's doing his best to be civil with my parents.

Even my sister was trying to engage him in conversation.

"You know, I think I've seen you before," said Khadija. "At a birthday party."

"Zahra's?" He asked.

"Yes! She's a friend of mine," said my sister. Suddenly, I'm jealous that they have something to talk about.

He nodded. "She's a friend of mine too, actually my sister's. So, I got invited. I didn't know you were there," he said.

Khadija chuckled, amused at the fact that they had indeed met before. "Had I known, I would have dragged Kenzie with me so you could know each other somehow. But she told me she was busy studying she didn't have time," said my sister.