I Chose You💕

IV.

IV.
Our lives carried on. He's always home late, not because he wants to (I hope) but because of his auditing works. I believe it's the audit season so he's always out and comes home late. I understand this. The least I could do is wait for him to get home no matter how late it is. And then wake up early, so that I could help him prepare for work.

"I'm fine. I've been doing this without you, so you don't have to do this," he said, stopping me from my question of what else hadn't he brought with him.

I sighed and let go of his bag. "I just want to make sure you did not forget anything," I muttered.

"I'm not a child," he said rather harshly.

He's right. How silly of me. What am I doing, thinking I'm the missing piece of his life?

Am I overdoing this?

I think I am.

Patience, Kenzie. Allah rewards those who are patient.

During the day that he's out for work, I'm with my mother-in-law doing mundane things. That was great because I got to bond with her. She gave me advices on being a wife, esp. to her son. She told me stories of his childhood which somehow made me know him a little bit more. It's as if we were childhood friends. She also showed me pictures of him when he was little and maa shaa Allah, he's so cute.

After work or school, Jam or Anika would join me. Jam would talk to me about girly stuff, telling me she was thankful she got her sister whom she could confide in. I was really glad that she felt that way. At least, they appreciate my existence, unlike some other.

On weekends, we would stroll in the mall or eat outside with the whole family. I felt like everything is really fine. The only thing amiss is that Mikhail still felt distant.

No matter how I tried to crack that wall of his, it's just unbreakable. Is there any hope left? Or am I just breaking my heart here? By working on something hopeless?

Asthagfirullah. There I go again having doubts. I'm only human.

I shook myself out of my reverie and focused on my little sister-in-law. I was teaching Anika for her homework when Mikhail finally got home, earlier than usual. He hugged his sister. I watched them with a smile on my face as I realized something I forgot. I knew a guy like him is not hopeless, just the way he takes care of his sisters.

"Won't you hug Kenzie, too?" Asked Anika with a sly smile.

I smiled a little on how she's also trying her best to bring me and his brother together. He smiled at her as well. "You, sneaky girl," he muttered as he surprisingly went to me and hugged me quickly. I tensed, I didn't know if he sensed that but I did tense. I was glad it was only for a moment because I don't know what would happen next.

It was the first time he hugged me or touched me.

"Ok, now?" Asked Mikhail as he stepped away from me.

Anika giggled with a nod. Mikhail smiled at her with fondness. He ruffled his sister's hair as he announced he's going to rest.

My mind lingered on that hug. Just when I was about to lose hope.

When we're done with Anika's homework, I retired to bed as well. I found him resting on the foot of the bed, having deep thoughts. He had already showered and was indeed ready for bed, exhaustion clearly in his moves. I wish I could do something for him.

"You said we went to review school together?" He asked. I realized this was the first time he'll start a conversation.

"Yes," I answered.

"How come you're not at all familiar? I could recognize people, especially Muslims since we are a minority," he explained. "Nobody from my friends in the review school recognizes you."

So, he's asked about me around. Is that a good thing?

I sighed, trying to come up with a sensible explanation. "I don't know. Maybe you haven't noticed me at all."

He leaned backward, his arms supporting his body. He eyed me with curiosity. "So, were you secretly hoping I'd notice you and all that stuff?" He asked with a hint of teasing in his voice.

I could feel my cheeks burning. Did I hope he'd notice me? "Not really," I answered. "It did not matter to me."

Because I was a niqabi and I wasn't thinking about it. I remember being happy that he was just nearby - that stranger who helped me in the train ride.

"Because you were thinking of cornering me into a marriage?" He asked now with a tone of accusation.

Okay, bad move, Kenzie.

I couldn't help but inhale sharply. "No. There's just no reason for me to hope you'd notice me. I didn't harbor any feelings for you or those cheesy stuff," I answered honestly.

His brows formed into a knot.

"You're so confusing. What do you even want from me? Do you want this? This arrangement, I mean?" He asked.

"Of course not. What wife likes her husband to not notice her at all?" I asked, eyeing him. "Someday, we'll both find the answers we need," I told him.

He scoffed in response, still finding it hard to believe. I didn't want to blame him. How can I make him understand?

I watched him as he positioned himself, ready to sleep.

"By the way, I'd like to ask for your permission," I started.

"What now?" He asked, still annoyed clearly.

"Can I go visit my friend tomorrow? She lives in the same tower with my sister. And then I thought, you could let me stay with my sister just for a night," I said.

He looked at me incredulous. "Really?" He asked unbelievable.

Generation today finds it hard to believe that a wife should ask permission from her husband whenever she wants to go outside the house. I intend to stick with it, even if only few people do it. A wife should please her husband.

"You can go do whatever you want, I don't really care," he continued. "I'm not your father, for goodness' sake."

I figured. "I'd still want to get your approval. You know, jannah (heaven) matters," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable," he muttered.

"I assume that as a yes?" I clarified.

"Whatever," he answered and closed his eyes to get some sleep.

"Yes?" I insist until I hear the word from him.

He groaned. "Yes, you may," he gave up, raising both his arms, palms up in the air.

I broke into a smile. You know, somehow, I get this feeling this would be fun.

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