13 reasons why imagines

36-Clay Jensen[Light of my life]

Requested- I hope you enjoy:)

Darkness, that's what consumed me. My mind is like a broken light bulb that will never be fixed. It was too dark to see anything, it was too dark for the sun.

I'm not really sure how it ever got to this point but I know it's not going away. It's consumed all of me like a disease and this one seems to have no cure. I've been broken and shattered, no matter how hard I try I will never be mended. I tried growing flowers in my cracks but my body was just too dark for anything to grow.

I think it's called heartbreak, the thing that comes after love. It's as if my heart isn't even there, it's in the pit of my stomach just like the heavy words he used to scream at me. My feet drag for my heart and his words are so heavy.

This school has become gray and a place where my wounds lay. It used to be my heaven for everything dark in the world, for I had him to get me through the day. Laughter used to fill these halls, now it's the heavy words he brings.

"Wow, she hasn't killed herself yet if I was here I would have done it along time ago."

"I don't know how she looks in the mirror, god I would kill myself if I looked like her"

"How is she allowed to walk these halls, they should ban ugly people from these schools."

These comments haunt me and tear me apart. I'm shriveled up, pulled apart and no one's words will be able to pull me back. I've thought about dying, every single day. But I think the problem is I fear death too much and as much as I want this to end I can't.

My only release seems to movies, they let me escape just long enough from this world. They give me a place to run off to when this world seems to catch up to me.

I sit in my same seat as I always do, I close my eyes and imagine my life as the movie I just watched. It makes me happy, too bad it's temporary but it seems like everything is. I think I was lost in this world I wanted so badly to escape to I didn't want it to end, but sadly it did. Everything I wanted to escape had come back to me, and once again I held sad eyes.

Someone placed themselves next to me, they were quiet and so was I.

"Justin Foley is a jerk anyway," he finally spoke reading my mind.

I glanced up at him. My sad eyes held tears and shock, his held gentleness and gave me a look of care, something that was rarely given to me.

"He was a jerk who I loved, who I love," I sigh, "Is it wrong, loving him?" I ask the boy who I don't know.

His face held familiarity to it, but I could not place my finger on it.

"Yes," his answer "But people can't help and fall in love, it's written in you, we fall in love with places we have never been and people we shouldn't and even if we shouldn't we do anyway because love is a strong force that no one can go against."

"How do you fall out of love?" the question I meant to keep in but I no longer could hold back.

"You don't, you learn to live without them, you never stop loving them but you learn that they are not oxygen. You find a new love, and you use them as your oxygen."

He seemed wise, he seemed to give me the answers I didn't want yet they were the answers I needed.

"I can't live without him, his heavy words are tattooed on my arms along with the scars he brings, and as much as I try to scrub them away I am the one in pain, I try and scrub his words away and all I get is blood, he's all over my body and his 'love' lingers in my heart and as much as I try there is nothing I can do to get it out."

Heavy tears run down my eyes and nothing I can do will stop them.

"You grow flowers," he spoke softly.

"I can't," I shake my head becoming frustrated, "I've tried it's too dark inside me for anything to grow."

"Think of everything happy in your life, he's just a dark cloud and all you have to do is wish his away. Pray for the sun, and let the light douse your skin." He made it sound so simple.

"There is nothing happy in my life, I think the only thing in my life that seems to excite me is death" I cry.

The boy with the brown hair and ocean eyes grabs my hands, his hands are gentle and soft like everything beautiful in this world.

"You are your own happiness, you have the power to let the rays of light shine on you for I have seen your smile and God has seen your smile and  I assure you that your smile is so beautiful that when you die God will replace the sun with your smile and your smile will shine brighter and be warmer than the sun ever will," the boy finished.

He lit something inside of me and suddenly there was light, he gave a smile and then flowers bloomed. My tears fell from my face and doused my skin in happiness.

"Justin Foley was just an ignorant jerk who didn't appreciate the way your flowers bloomed, and he tried to destroy them but I can tell you this, any boy who destroys you for themselves isn't a boy worth loving." the boy gave a smile.

"Thank you," I began "For being the light of my life," I smile.

"It's crazy isn't it?" he asked.

"What?"

"That even when you had no light in you, you still looked as beautiful as ever and even if you would never love me my heart decided to love you"

Mt heart seemed to sprout again at his simple words and Justin's heavy words seemed to leave my skin.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Becuase I let a girl I loved slip away from my before and I'm not going to let it happen again."

He leaned in and kissed me and I swear my whole body seemed to explode with flowers.