The Piano Man (Iwaoi)

Chapter 15

        July 20th was sweltering. Tooru spent the day in Ushiwaka's air-conditioned apartment, sprawled on the couch, drinking lemonade, fanning himself and exchanging messages with Takahiro about scheduling for the next few weeks. As Tooru had predicted, it wasn't hard finding families who wanted their children to learn piano from the best, so he was going to start lessons. On his way out that morning, Ushiwaka had kissed his lips, tasting of apologies, and wished him a happy birthday. Saying he would take him somewhere special tonight. Still half-asleep, Tooru had waved him out the door. He'd gotten calls from Takahiro, Issei, his mother (which he ignored), Kuroo (an unlikely friend, but a friend nonetheless), and, of course, Hajime, wishing him a happy birthday. It didn't feel different, turning twenty-five. It felt exactly the same as twenty-four. There was nothing in his life that was changing, nothing to make him feel more mature, feel like he'd grown, absolutely nothing but the wrinkles between his eyebrows and the dull luster in his tired eyes.

        Hajime asked if he could stop by sometime during the day, during a break, to give Tooru his birthday present. Tooru was hesitant at first; he wasn't sure what it would be like, alone with Hajime in Ushiwaka's pristine apartment.

        Hey, Shittykawa. Happy birthday.

        Thank you :)

        Can I come over and wish you a happy birthday in person? I got you a gift.

        Of course you can. Thank you.

        Are you gonna be home at noon? I'll have a quick lunch break.

        I'm actually spending the day at Ushiwaka-chan's. You know where his apartment is, right?

        Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll see you there. I won't stay long, I promise.

        So at 11:43, Tooru found himself pacing Ushiwaka's apartment in spandex shorts, a tank top, fanning himself and staring with a pout at the ceiling. Smooth Yiruma (perhaps not ideal for a sunny day but Tooru found strange magic in certain pieces of music) flowed through the apartment. He kept throwing cursory glances at the door. Waiting for the knock that would make him jump and turn red from the toes up, make him practice his impish little smile. Fuck, his fingers really hurt today. He'd gotten out of bed and put ice on them but was too stubborn, too proud, too fucking stupid to take his medicine. Without Ushiwaka around to pester him he didn't feel the need to. Taking medicine would mean giving in, would mean admitting that his fingers needed help. And Tooru hated that so much it made him lightheaded.

        The knock came at 11:56. He stood and stared at the door for a moment, because he didn't want to seem desperate. Didn't want to seem like he'd been waiting for the opportunity to jump at the door like a dog running to its food. After what he figured was an ample beat, he leisurely walked to the door and, with his sweaty, shaking fingers, opened the door. Hajime stood, also sweating, dressed in nice work clothes. There were dark, heavy bags under his eyes, a weary look on his face, not even a hint of a smile on his chapped lips. His hair was imperfectly coiffed. Tooru wasn't sure what expression he was making as his gaze fell upon his soulmate, looking as if he hadn't slept in years and still wishing more than anything that he could kiss him.

        "Hi," he said with a soft smile.

        "Hey," Hajime responded, forcing his own smile. "Happy birthday."

        He held up a flat white box with a pink ribbon, as if to prove that he meant what he said. Tooru smiled again and led him into the apartment. The room suddenly became even warmer, and Tooru mused that this must be what hell felt like. Surrounded by flames licking at your ankles, your calves and your shins, your alligator elbows and your pearly shoulders and your mouth agape in horror. This was hell, he thought, he convinced himself, watching Hajime take off his shoes and slide onto the couch like Lucifer himself. There was nothing graceful about him, and still grace, beauty, like water, was the only thing Tooru could see. He walked back toward the living room and wondered what Hajime saw when he saw Tooru walk like that. They'd said "I love you" infinitely that night six years ago but they'd never gotten to say why. Tooru wanted so desperately to know why, at some point in his life, Hajime had loved him. "All Myself To You" began to play.