The Piano Man (Iwaoi)

Chapter 19

        Ushiwaka deserved the best, so Tooru dressed really nicely for their date, and put in his contact lenses (he'd gotten used to wearing his glasses out). He put on a really nice shirt, nice cigarette pants, combed his hair perfectly and put on his nice cologne. Even put on his nice expensive watch. When Ushiwaka came to pick him up from the apartment, he grabbed him tenderly by the waist and kissed his cheek as they stood in front of the mirror. The very epitome of perfection, the two of them standing beside each other.

        "You smell good," he said.

        "Obviously."

        "I'll be ready in a few."

        He kissed his cheek again, squeezed his waist, then disappeared into his bedroom. Tooru turned over his shoulder to watch his broad back as he left. Wakatoshi Ushijima was so filled with love, honesty, strength. Not a lot of tact, not a lot of charm, but Tooru had learned in his time loving Ushiwaka that those things didn't always have to matter. He thought about jumping after him, grabbing his hand, pulling him back and kissing him as hard as he possibly could. But that would have been completely and utterly unfair, so he just looked back at his reflection and smiled at himself.

        When they walked in, Tooru was hanging on Ushiwaka's arm like he was a lifesaver. Suddenly he was afraid of what was going to happen tonight. He was afraid of leaving Ushiwaka, even more afraid of the possibility that Ushiwaka wanted to leave him. (That was preposterous, of course. Ushiwaka would have given up everything to be with Tooru.) They sat down at the table, ordered some nice expensive wine, and fell into their usual conversation. Casual, easy, very much one-sided even if Ushiwaka couldn't notice. He'd never been the most perceptive, and Tooru had always been the opposite. There was almost no indication, throughout the entirety of the dinner, that Ushiwaka had even prefaced with an impending serious conversation. But Tooru could hardly hide how tense he was, how on edge, because this was it. The last time they'd have a dinner like this, talk like this, brush their legs under the table like this, because Tooru was going to leave him for Hajime. I'm sorry, Ushiwaka-chan, but last night I fucked your partner and as it turns out I've never really loved you to begin with, thank you for everything.

        "You seem tense," he said after they'd ordered dessert. He couldn't help but reach across the table and grasp Ushiwaka's hand, like a horrible, sneaky little con man. "Is everything okay?"

        "I...yes. Everything's perfectly fine."

        "Long day?"

        "Yes." As if to calm himself, Ushiwaka brought Tooru's hand up to his lips. "Thank you for asking."

        "You mentioned that you wanted to talk about something serious," Tooru said with a raise of his eyebrows.

        "Y...Yes."

        Ushiwaka suddenly turned away and squeezed Tooru's hand a bit harder.

        "Wakatoshi...?"

        "It seems my courage has left me. I thought I'd be able to do it here, but I can't. Could we...wait until we get home?"

        "If that's what you want," Tooru shrugged dispassionately. "Makes the entire dinner a bit useless though."

        "I don't think so."

        Tooru didn't reply. He just watched Ushiwaka plant another kiss on his hand. Now he was impatient and restless and full, and he didn't want dessert. Somehow reading his mind, Ushiwaka suggested they just get the check. Tooru insisted that they split it. So they did. Then, hand-in-hand, they left the restaurant, walked around a little bit, and when Ushiwaka offered to drive Tooru back to his house, Tooru refused, saying he wanted to be at Ushiwaka's apartment today. So they hailed a cab back to the apartment, and Tooru, tired and sad, rested his head on Ushiwaka's lap in the backseat. He wanted to feel this one last time.