The Story of Thia

Alone

Thia's POV

I continue, but I can see Josh getting sadder and sadder. I feel bad for what happened, but I couldn't hold in the pain any longer. We had to finally talk about it.

'"Sinthia, Soph got to him...He was whining about how he was so sad. We all knew what he was on, but her especially. Sinthia, she's about to blow your boyfriend upstairs...." I snapped out of my depression the second I heard that. Soon anger replaced the sadness. I walked into the house, feeling nothing but pure rage. I banged on the door, and soon found an even worse sight than the one I was expecting. I found her topless, on top of him, grinding on him. "JOSH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!"

"Sinthia! Wait! I'm sorry!" He shoved her off immediately, but it was too late at that point. Too far gone. I ran away. I knew sure as hell that no matter how fucked up Josh got, his guilt would keep him from going back to her.

He wouldn't see me for weeks after that. I told my girls to keep an eye on Josh until he came down from what he was on, cause we all knew how suicidal it could make a guilty person feel. They distracted him well enough, because by the next day I got a text letting me know "As promised, the douche is alive. Hope you're feeling better S. Let me know if you need to talk. I know we don't usually do that, but I am a really good listener if you need someone." I had far too many delinquent acquaintances at that time than I liked to admit. They were great at monitoring parties to ensure no one died and no one got caught. We never got into the heavy emotional shit with one another though.

Joshua's POV

I saw her after what felt like a million years. She stopped me from speaking and said she'd go first. "Josh, I did this to you". I was so confused, but I kept my mouth shut like she asked. "I got you into the party scene, where everyone takes shit to get messed up. We all have our reasons for getting fucked up, but there's a stark difference between you and I. I don't do it because it's fun, I do it because it helps me detach from life for a bit, to forget everything that has happened to me. Other times, it doesn't work so well, it drags me right into the corner of darkness in my mind and forces me to speak to my demons. Josh, they only make you feel good. Other than your empathy shit that occasionally makes you feel a twinge of sadness, it's just to feel good. We all have the urge to do stupid things when messed up. I'm more used to this life. Stop skipping ahead, stick to what you know. You weren't meant to play with the big dogs, you don't know how to handle anything but joints to be honest." After she finished ranting, I tried to apologize. She shhshed me once more. "Josh, stop. It is not going to be spoken of ever again." That was Sinthia for you, always maintaining control over the situation so she could prevent it from hurting it more than it already had.

Thia's POV

Josh, I shouldn't have told you to not apologize, I shouldn't have said it was over and in the past. That shit hurt me a lot. I will always remember that day, but I don't know if you will. We all keep going on around you like you're the perfect angel that got caught in the crossfire of my life, ending up handicapped. Josh I feel bad, I really do, and I know that was years ago. I was recently reminded of the whore who ruined my life and it's bringing up past emotions.

"She---goes to---school---with us." Josh stammers. I feel bad as I am reminded of how difficult it is for him to even carry on with regular things like speaking and walking, but I put that in the back of my mind. "So you do remember... I would have wished that one memory was removed out of any that could be... but I guess I did come at you with it like you did remember. Anyway, yeah, I know I see her at school every day." He looks puzzled "what changed?" I try to skirt around the simple explanation, but there's not much too it "I watched her band perform the other tonight." His face drops and he looks hopeless as to what to do. He points to the paper and pen. When I give it to him, he writes "Thia it was never about the person, it was only due to the emotions I was feeling that night. I was that sad little puppy dog you always had disdain for, but even more that night, I needed you. You needed me, but you were so sad. I got sad. Thia I was just going inside to get back to the happiness. Then she started comforting me and told me to focus on positive thoughts, she told me to tell her about what made me happy. Then she guided my hand on her hair and her neck... she told me to focus on just my sensations..." I scream "I can't read anymore. I know there's more, but I really can't continue." He didn't move or speak. I rip the page out and hand him the book. "Thia I know I can never do anything to make up for what I did that night." I sit there unable to figure out what else there is to say. I begin bawling, unable to control myself. Josh makes his best effort to comfort me, but soon I feel more uncomfortable and then worse than I did before. "Josh I gotta go."

Landon's POV

I walk off stage and make my way through the crowd to where I saw Thia earlier. I don't see her anywhere and the people at the tables nearby said she left just a little after it all started. That makes me upset, but I have a feeling she left for a reason. She wouldn't just leave after promising to come, would she? I begin to think of where she might be, but I'm soon distracted by Sophia tapping my shoulder. "You busy tonight?" Sophia asks, looking up at me expectantly. "Not particularly. What's going on?" I inquire. "We're all going to this awesome house, three stories high, a back porch that is the perfect spot to get a breath of fresh air when things get too crazy..." The place sounds great and I'm soon brought back to the memories I had of random parties, with different towns and different venues each time I switched foster homes. It wasn't really the size of the house that made it better. It was the different spots you could get some privacy to just unwind for a bit.

Thia's POV

I run through town, not knowing where I am going. Usually I avoided going out at night alone after the incident, but I was feeling that old feeling, recklessness. At this point, I didn't care if I got raped again, if I died tonight, if I never found my way back home (which was sadly unlikely since I knew this whole town like the back of my hand). I needed an escape, so I went to Philia's.

When I got there, I instantly regretted walking alone. The reckless feeling only lasts so long...that is until you snap back to reality when you see a dark figure walking around the same barn you meant to seek refuge in.