Smart Girl

07.04.17

or when independence day gives your brain a right to act independently of you.

with a slushie in hand, i laughed at my own shivers, pretended it was from the cold and not the crippling anxiety that sent tremors throughout my being.

i idled at the edge of rooms, leaving the crowded ones to sit in bone-chilling silence elsewhere, patting the head of a dog in attempt to be more chill.

i drifted away from my family in the pool, feeling too gone to breathe anywhere near them. exclusion feels like shit.

i sat with only one other girl most of the time, hoping that only one person would make the feeling of normalcy come up.

Anxiety hates me, hates to see me try.

so i sat on the ground again and again, left to only pet the cute little dogs. they wouldn't aggravate Anxiety, and god do i love them for it.