Smart Girl

08.12.17

or when you realize your own vulnerability.

running. i decided to go running for the first time in months. mind you, it wasn't a lot because i'm shit at it, but bear with me.

my neighborhood was small enough that i could run from my house all the way around the loop and it wouldn't quite be a half mile. i was jogging up the sidewalk, thinking about breathing and running and oh no be careful there might be a car coming.

it was a peaceful and quiet evening. i was listening to fall out boy.

as i rounded the last corner before I'd be back at my house, i saw three guys exiting the house on the corner and walking toward their silver car. i'd only ever seen a couple of old women there once. there weren't ever cars in the driveway, either.

as i passed, sweating and ready to start walking again but still running because my house was less than a tenth of a mile away, the guys kinda stopped, watching me. i didn't hear what they said, but i was panicking.

calm down, lilia, your house is right up this street if anything happens.

i didn't stop running, kept going at the pace i'd established.

once i passed my driveway, i started walking, putting both of my hands on my head so i could try breathing.

i looked up to see the silver car passing slowly, one of the men sticking his head out the window the same way a dog would. he said something that i couldn't hear because of the music.

my heart raced even faster and my blood ran cold. holyshitholyshit they were following me what the fuckineedtogethome.

but i wanted to get in two laps, so i kept going.

i passed another house up the street, where a man who was watering the garden said something like, "evening, neighbor" with a toothy smile. i waved. still panicking.

theywouldnthavegoneupmystreetiftheyweretryingtogetoutoftheneighborhoodtheotherroadisquickerandtherearentanyturnstobemadeorstopsignsholyshitholyshittheywereactuallyfollowingme.

i collapsed on the floor of our house, both from exhaustion and absolute fear.