06.16.17

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or when you can't bring yourself to just say 'hi.'

a quick glance across the garage dining area made me realize some of my friends from the musical and chorus were in the restaurant, too. a queasy feeling entered my stomach. i was with my family, and it was impossible not to feel uneasy. i felt exposed.

after finishing dinner and convincing myself that there was no reason to worry, i was clicking through my instagram feed. 

"lilia," my mom said, and i somehow heard her. i look up from my phone.

"do those kids go to your school?" she whispered, gesturing to the group.

"uh, yeah."

"say hi!"

they were already out it would be too awkward to try talking to them are you mad mother just let me exist i would say hi if i wanted or was able to just leave me alone.

i didn't turn around in my chair, i didn't want to give awkward 'hello's to people as they were leaving a restaurant with their friends, people whom i did not know in the least. i just wanted to avoid stunted exchanges that left me nauseous and want to hole up in my room.

still, i felt like shit.

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