Keeping Secrets (Completed)

15. Selfish Decisions

Alonzo Flemington
I never imagined life like this...

I swear, I thought I was too young. I never thought that the day would come where I would actually be looking death in the eyes. However, today was the day. I was just so tired of everything I had been going trough; so, tired of having the worst of luck in every situation. I wanted to be genuinely happy, I wanted to smile without having to look over my shoulder and worry about that happiness ending.

That selfish kind of happiness...

Not because of anyone else, I wanted to be happy because of myself. I wanted to see the day where I looked at myself and said "damn. You did good." But it's too late.... That chance is gone. My opportunity is over.

Now... I look to the light that's called destiny and I am given the chance to not have to worry about anything else or anyone else but myself. A place of solitude, a place of peace, a place where I don't have to worry about struggling or being unable to make ends meet. This is the place we work so hard in life to get to. Only I have gotten there earlier than planned.

Before me I see nothing but the pearly gates and I am so glad. They open...

Everyone is here; a couple of my friends I lost in the streets and some of my family members. But I am searching; searching for the little girl. My little girl.

"Nya, where are you?" I yelled, looking through the crowd; smiling and having an amazing time. But I can't see her. I approach the gates and just as I am about to step foot in, they slam shut in my face.

"Daddy!" I heard a small voice yell but it was too hard to make out. I ignored it and tried to find a way to pry the gates open. "Daddy!" I heard again.

"Nya... is that you?" I asked.

"Yes daddy. Why did you leave without looking for me?" I heard her sniffle. "You gave up so easily."

"Baby girl, where are you?"

"I'm down here dad." I looked down and could see her waving, "and you're up there because you gave up."

"I have no choice. I couldn't take it anymore."

"Well you should've! For me and the other baby!" her voice got louder. "Nothing good ever comes easy daddy."

"I know that Ny." I raised my brow. "What other baby?"

"Daddy if you know, why did you give up instead of looking for me? They all gave up? Mommy gave up, grandma and grandpa did too. So, did those detectives mom hired. But you; I expected you to care enough to find me. But instead; you took your own life and didn't think for a moment, I could still be here."

"But Ny..."

"No buts dad... you had a choice and you chose yourself. Now me and the other baby have to grow up without you." I watched her sigh then walked down the street she was on.

"NYA. DON'T LEAVE." I yelled but it was like she couldn't hear me. No matter how much I yelled her name, she couldn't hear a word I said. 'You chose yourself' echoed through my ear drums and I wailed, dropping down to my knees. I let her down.

Charlotte Evans

Of course, I had to sign some papers with my insurance company and suddenly my Christmas was gone down the drain. The news stations were piling up at the doors and my staff sprinkled in one by one, to mourn the loss of an amazing individual. It was so sad to know that such a young man, was gone... and none of us saw the warning signs.