Crimson thoughts. // Drarry fanfic

Chapter 3 No longer

When the carriage had arrived at school he went upstairs with the rest of the school and sat down at the Slytherin table with Crab and Goyle. Pansy was sitting a few seats away from them with some of her other friends and was catching up with what had happened over the holidays.

The ceiling was the most beautiful shade of purply-blue you had ever seen and the candles burned like stars along with the real ones that looked like little diamonds had been scattered across the sky. Draco stared up for a while as Crab and Goyle argued over who had collected the most cards from their chocolate frogs over the holidays.

Finally they registered that Draco was in fact sitting opposite the both of them and they turned to face him. "Where d'ya go mate?" Asked Crab

"Ye, you ran off crying like a little girl!" Laughed Goyle, 'mimicking' Draco.

"Careful or I'll tell the whole school that you sucked your thumb until you where 13." Goyle fell silent; none of them spoke again until Dumbledore began his speech.

After he had finished, the old man stepped down and took his place in the middle of the huge staff table. For a minute Draco wondered how, all those years ago, they had gotten all four tables into the great hall. He chuckled as he imagined Hagrid and Filch clambering about the castle with an oversized table on their shoulders.

When Draco looked down, he saw the magnificence that was the great feast. He looked up down the huge table and saw a multitude of food, ready to be eaten; the array of colours was magnificent. Draco took his plate and crammed as many different types of food on it as possible. Trying to find a piece of food for every different colour of the rainbow, he was succeeding.

Crab, per usual, had his mouth stuffed with food and was continuing to stuff more in, Draco was half discussed, half impressed. He struggled to look through the many children, toward the Gryffindor table; he was looking for Harry. The guilt that Draco felt inside his gut when he saw Harry was unimaginable. It felt like the whole world was against him.

Draco loved Harry some much it physically hurt him. He was in pain, but he knew the truth. Harry was straight. His family was homophobic, so where his friends.

He hated himself. Harry looked up. Draco panicked and scowled at him. Harry looked away with a very sad and upset face. Draco wanted to run to him, make it ok,  that he didn't mean it, that he loved him with all his heart. He would kiss him and they could be happy.

But he knew he couldn't. Draco wanted to escape, run away, become invisible, even die, whatever would work. He need to escape from his life and these feelings, this feeling, his family, Harry, himself. Your not aloud to leave the feast really, especially not the first of the year. So he couldn't just leave. He had to sit through this.

When the feast had ended, Draco went up to his dormitory and sat on his bed. He was still hungry. Draco hadn't  eaten much, he was to distracted by the many, most confusing, emotions trapped inside his head.

He went over to Crab and sat down on his bed. "Do u have any food, I hardly ate anything at the feast?" To which Crab answered. " Help yourself," he pulled out his wand, gave it a flick and a huge draw of food ranging from chocolate frogs to a bacon sandwich; again, Draco couldn't decide his feelings.

He took a couple of sweets,  went over and sat in his bed and thought. Draco thought about everything. Everything that had gone on in the last twenty four hours and he decided. Draco decided that he wasn't going to tell anyone, ever. He had told may have told secrets to Crab and Goyle but he made a promise to himself that this one, he would take to his grave.

That night Draco woke so much that you could hardly call it sleep. He lay in bed for hours trying to block his thoughts of Harry Potter, "the chosen one" but failed. He couldn't take his mind off him. Draco ended up laying in bed all night hating himself, for no longer hating Harry Potter.