Crimson thoughts. // Drarry fanfic

Chapter 5 Countdown

"Stay away from Harry." Draco thought, "Don't even look at him, it's just going to make it worse." The words filled Draco's head. He sat on his bed and let the words fill him up until he couldn't think of anything else except Harry and how he could never be with him.

Tired and on the brink of tears, Draco took a deep breath and started to get changed. He pulled off his shirt and froze. There they where. Draco felt so ashamed of himself, staring down at the crimson lines slashed across his wrists.

Draco ran his fingers across the lines. He buried his face in his hands and just sat there thinking. Finally he got up. Sweating slightly and with tired eyes, Draco stood and picked up the scissors. He sat on his bed and slashed his arm, all up his dark mark.

He was so ashamed of himself, so scared of himself than he ever was before. Draco put down the blade and stared at his wrists. He couldn't comprehend almost, what he had done. Draco buried his head and chocked back his tears, fighting not to let them out.

Draco put down the scissors and carried on getting changed. He got under the covers of his bed and went to sleep. That night Draco didn't dream, he had nightmares. Draco woke up with a start, sweat dripping down his back.. He had had a nightmare about Lucius again.

He could here his voice shouting at him, screaming. Although Draco knew it was just a dream, it seemed so real. He sat in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about how, if he ever did talk to Harry, which he wouldn't, what he would say.

Apart from that he wondered what his friends would say. They would probably make fun of him. Draco knew what they where like and they weren't excepting. They would taunt  him and call him names and spread rumours.

Thoughts rushed around Draco's head like fire. When he realised he was shaking Draco tried to calm himself down. After a while he stopped shaking and steadied his breathing. Then a few minutes later he drifted off to sleep.

The next morning was potions, again with the Griffindors. A few minutes after the lesson started Draco ran in sweating and out of breath. He had overslept and Crab and Goyle thought it funny to let him be late and not wake him up.

Today they where brewing amortentia and as Draco entered the room all he could smell was Harry. Draco's heart ached as he went and sat down. He only seat left was at the back with Nevil Longbottom which was good because of course, with Nevils hearbology skills, he didn't have to do any work.

The whole lesson, all he could smell was Harry's wonderful aroma. Although it made him happy, Draco's heart wrenched every time he took a breath.

After lessons that day, Draco stayed up almost the whole night in the common room when finally he had enough. All Draco thought about was how much he loved Harry and how much he hated himself. The only home that he had held his father who would beat him every time he spoke and a mother to cowardly to do anything.

Draco's so called 'friends' made fun of him and taunted him at every opportunity and he was failing tremendously in every class, Draco did not see any reason to live. As he stretched out his muscles Draco thought through what he was about to do.

Walking fast Draco made his way to the door and began to unlock it. To his horror Draco found himself staring at Harry, who's hand was positioned like he was about to knock.

"Draco..." called Harry as Malfoy pushed his way past him and down the corridor. Draco turned and twisted up and down corridors and staircases all the meanwhile Harry was still trying to catch up.

Finally Draco reach the trap door leading to the top of the tower and clambered up into the flat ground after locking the trap door shut. Draco stood in the middle of the turret wide eyed.

With a huge crack and a flash of light, Harry poked his head out from the  trap door began to climb onto the landing. "Oh Has the Golden boy come to save the FUCKING DAY AGAIN!" Draco shouted. He was crying but looked out over the whole of Hogwarts as if he was taking in its magnificence one last time. Draco was standing at the edge of the tower. "Draco please don't do this." Harry was behind him. He took a step closer and touched Draco's arm. He brushed away violently.                                                                                                                            "Draco." Harry didn't know what to do.

                                                                                                                                                                       "I have to do this, I'm sorry." He said again. "I love you, but you will never love me. I hate who I am and I can't live with myself! I'm sorry but I have to do this." All this while Draco was crying and Harry was panicking, neither of them knew what to do anymore. Draco was so scared. Harry had never seen Draco like this before, never so vulnerable. "Draco please. Please don't." He managed to whisper. "Give me one good reason why not!" Draco took a step onto the small ledge and swayed slightly from side to side. "One reason." He said again, this time quieter.                                                                                                                   "Draco."                                                                                                                                                            "There isn't one is there.  You don't have a fucking reason!" He turned his head lightly to the left and back as he shouted at the shaken Harry. "There is no reason. No reason to live. No reason to stay alive anymore. No reason to try."                                                                                                                                               "Draco please."

"5."

"No please Draco don't" the rush of urgency was heard in Harry's voice more the ever now.

"4"

"Please!"

"3."

"Please stop it Draco, please!"

"2. WHY?!"

There was a second of silence, though it seemed like eternity.

"1."

Draco got ready to jump. He took a deep breath in, stuck one foot out into the air and wiped away the tears from his eyes.

"I LOVE YOU! I love you ok. That's why."

Draco put his foot back in but continued to stared blankly out at the sky. "What?" Harry stepped forward and touched Draco's arm. "Really?" This time Draco let him. "Really." Harry entwined his fingers through Draco's then pulled him into his shoulder. They  held each other tight and Draco cried into Harry's sweatshirt. They pulled each other in as if, if they let go, they would lose the other. "It's ok, I'm hear now." Draco was still crying tears that he couldn't control. "I'm here now and I love you."

Draco and Harry stayed up on the tower all night just sitting and hugging each other. It was as if Draco had cried all his tears and thought all his thoughts. All he wanted right now was to stay in Harry's arms forever.