Rebound

Chapter 35: Happy

Chapter 35

Happy

I walk back in the cool September air with my hands wrapped around my torso for warmth. I think now would have been one of those times where a boyfriend would come in handy, because he'd give me his jacket. But, I know just like Joey I need my time to learn who I am.

The weight of the night doesn't fully come crashing down on me until I enter my bedroom and the silence of the apartment allows my thoughts to sound like they're screaming at me.

I let Blake go, because he needs someone else.

I push Joey away, because he needs to learn who he is.

And I've left myself completely alone, because that's what I do best.

I want to call Meredith and beg her to leave the party to tend to my wounds, but I can't do that. It's her own party and I can't ask her to leave just, because I'm having a bad day.

I contemplate putting in Breakfast At Tiffany's and watching it while downing a box of cheap gas station chocolate, but not even Audrey Hepburn and chocolate can fix the heartache in my chest. It's like my heart has been tore apart, stitched back together, and then thrown in the trash leaving me with only a hole.

The ceiling in my room becomes more amusing the longer I stare at it. I find patterns of the broken hearted: Falling in love, falling out of love, and the pain and remorse of casting loved ones aside.

I've always had a great habit of pushing away people. I just had hoped after losing my job and moving in with Meredith I had fixed that. Only now I have a tendency of getting hurt. And I didn't realize that it was part of my life's plan to stray away from the good of things and only attract the evil.

How did Brian and Meredith strike gold on their first try? I never will understand how easily people can find love. But, then I get the scariest thought, that perhaps it's me. And I cause all this evil to fall upon me.

I chose Blake. Out of all the men in that bar, I chose Blake. Blake, with a friend that was obviously lady hungry. Blake, who sat in the corner moping, because he couldn't get a girl. I waltzed up to Blake and I caressed his arm, batted my eyes, and lured him in. Just so I could move on from Joey, the boy who I fell so easily for after spending so many years pushing away guys and promising myself to never fall so easily again.

Promises and plans never work out for me. Maybe I should live more in the now. Perhaps I should go to clubs and get drunk. Go make out with random strangers and just do whatever the fuck that makes me happy.

But, here's the thing. I don't know what makes me happy anymore.

Because, the one person to ever make me happy is long gone, because I pushed him away.

Around 2AM, I think Brian and Meredith stumble in drunk, because I hear a loud crash in the living room followed by Brian shushing Meredith claiming he'll "glue it back together". And on their walk to their bedroom I hear more giggling.

I cross my fingers and roll over to my side, hoping they won't start doing...things. Just in case I cover my ears and pray for the best.

In the morning, I walk into the living room and find what Brian knocked over last night. A broken picture frame lies facedown on the ground, fortunately not broken enough to leave shards of glass. I carefully pick it up, in case I break it further, and flip it over to reveal a wedding photo. To a perfect stranger, one would probably think I was happy in that moment. I have a huge grin on my face. But, to me I can see how it doesn't reach my eyes and how I'm holding onto my bouquet a little too tightly.

I glance at Karen and Joey who ironically are the victims to the fall. A straight crack in glass splits the pair up and I keep my mouth shut to prevent a loud laugh from escaping; I don't want to wake Brian or Meredith up, nor explain what has me laughing so hard at eight in the morning. I can't help, but admire how happy they both look together though. But, just as my smile was fake, I'm sure their happiness was as well for only two weeks later they met their ends.

I let out a sigh before setting the picture gently back on the end table and going to the kitchen. I go to the fridge and open it expecting that now that Brian and Meredith are back it will be magically full again, unfortunately just as before it's empty. My growling stomach reminds me though that I can't skip breakfast, for it's the most important meal of the day. It gives me the energy to continue on until four hours later when I have lunch.

I go back to my room to change into jeans and a simple grey shirt. At the last second I grab a jacket incase it's cold outside. I begin my trek to my usual coffee shop to have my tea and breakfast sandwich, because though everything else keeps changing my morning routine will thankfully stay the same.

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A/N:

Sorry I'm posting so late!
Been working on homework and other a new YouTube video and yeah. Been busy.

I gotta go finish homework so just a quick author's note today.

Have a great rest of your day and keep voting and commenting! You're the best!