Agitated Afternoons// h.s

Coming Clean

This is not what I expected. I never expected to have to comfort Zayn.

"Zayn, please. It's eating you up inside." I whispered to him, rubbing his back lightly. "I know that Liam and I already know but.. You have to tell Louis, Harry, and Niall too. They need to know what you're feeling."

"Theresa I can't do this." He said beginning to cry. I was so shocked that I froze up as he looked at me. "Louis is going to hate me. He's one of my best friends and I don't know what I'll do if.." He couldn't finish the sentence. I took Zayn's hand and felt him squeeze it before turning and hugging me tightly, his head on my shoulder.

The two of us were in Zayn and Liam's shared hotel room. Niall, Louis, Harry and Liam were probably outside in the hallway, waiting for us to come out. I had gone into Liam and Zayn's room when Liam whispered to me that Zayn was in the bathroom, not answering when he called him. I had shot up and ran out of Harry and Louis' room and straight across the hall where I knocked loudly on the bathroom door.

"Zayn? Are you in there?" Surprisingly, he answered the door for me. He stood up, unlocked it and pulled me in, glancing sadly over my shoulder at Liam. He quickly locked it again and leaned against the door like Liam might try to break it down. "Zayn.." I said softly. He had clearly been smoking, the air in the bathroom was a little hazy and there was an unfinished joint on the bathroom sink. "What's wrong?"

He was having a bad trip that was on the verge of a full blown panic attack. I made him sit on the bathroom floor with me, our legs extended out in front of us and our backs against the wall. I tried to talk to him soothingly, tell him he was fine and that nothing was going to happen to him but his hands shook badly. Eventually, Zayn confessed he kept thinking about how disappointed and upset both Louis and Niall would be if they found out he wanted to leave the band.

"They're going to hate me forever." He lamented.

"No they won't Zayn. They won't I promise." And that's when I told him he had to just come clean, that this was eating him up inside. As Zayn cried against me, Liam knocked on the door.

"Zayn, please let me in I want to know what's wrong." Zayn lifted his head off my shoulder long enough to shake his head, he didn't want me to open the door.

"Zayn. You're going to come off this high and then you're going to talk to your best friends out there. This isn't healthy for you okay? You wanted me to act as an unprofessional therapist well that's what you're going to get."

"What if they.." Zayn chocked out but I wouldn't let him finish.

"You don't know what they're going to say.. okay? You just need to tell them. They're all worried about you. I know they're only going to want what's best for you, what makes you happy. Regardless, they're going to be upset but they care about you. If leaving the band is what you want to do, then eventually they're going to support your decision." Zayn cried for only a minute or so more before his tears dried out and he leaned back against the wall, eyes bloodshot from the marijuana and from crying. "Is it okay if I let Liam in?" I asked him gently. Zayn nods and I get up and go to the door, unlocking it and opening it up a crack. Liam, Louis, Niall and Harry stare back at me. "Just Liam." I whisper. I open the door wide enough to let him in before closing and locking it again.

Liam strides over to Zayn before bending down in front of him, one hand on Zayn's leg as he whispers something to him. Whatever he's saying, Zayn is nodding, maybe even agreeing to it. Liam straightens up and offers he hand to Zayn who takes it. Standing up with Liam's help, Zayn then wraps his arms around Liam in a hug an the two of them stand there almost as long as lovers do. I look away, feeling like I'm intruding on something.