Finding My Way Back To You

Chapter 11

ARIANNAS POV

Happiness. Its what I felt. Before any of this happened. Do you know what happiness is like?' Because I don'y anymore. All I know now, is depression, sadness, anger. The worst feeling in the world is when someone you love, so much, gets hurt, or worse. He brought happiness into my life. But he also brought sadness into my life also.

Just sitting here, for hours a day, or even days straight wishing he would wake up makes me fall deeper  into the hole and I have no one to help me out. Every day, or week that passes by, its like I am falling deeper and deeper. Even drowning. There is no one to grab my hand, and bring me right back up to the surface where I belong. I don't want anyone to help me, but him. I've went through this once, I am not letting it happen again.

"Sweetie, visiting hours are over." the nurse tells me, walking over to me and patting my back. 

I wipe the tear that has fallen, standing up and kissing him lightly on the forehead. I let go of his hand, and walk out of his room with his nurse beside me.

"Are you sure you can drive back home by yourself?" she asks me.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." I tell her, sniffling.

"You don't seem like it Arianna."

I shrug, walking towards the elevator. I press the down button, and wait for the elevator to come.

The doors open, and I step in, looking once more at his door before the elevator doors close.

When the elevator reaches the lobby, I walk out, passing the front desk. The lady gives me a smile, then goes back to working.

Considering I'm here everyday, everyone knows who I am, and i know who everyone is.

I get into my car, starting the ignition and driving out of the now empty parking lot.

It takes me the normal time, about ten minutes to get back to our apartment. I enter the lobby, walking up the stairs and finally end up on the floor. I take out my keys, unlocking the door and walkng in.

Savannah sits on the couch, watching TV and she turns her head ocne I close the door.

"Arianna your back." she half smiles.

Someone has been staying with me everyday. Once I walk into the apartment, someone is here.

"I made some food if you want" she tells me. "Its in the kitchen"

I nod, and walk to our room.

I change into my pajamas, and as I take my shirt off, I see the scar.

The scar I have from when I got stitches when I got stabbed.

I ignore the pain in my chest, and put his shirt on before climbing into bed.

I lay on his side of the bed, burying my face into his pillow that still smells like him.

It takes me about an hour to go to sleep. Everyday it happens. I can never fall asleep because he isnt here lying next to me.

**

"Arianna I'll drive you" Savannah offers.

"Its fine" I tell her.

"Arianna.." she gives me a stern look.

"Listen, I don't want you to drive me. I'm fine on my own. I always have been." I say, getting up from the stool and walking to the front door.

I grab my purse and keys, opening the door.

"I'm coming by later." Savannah tells me, as I close the door.

Everyone does this. They need to check up on me every day. I'm not a little kid, I can handle things on my own. Everyone thinks I am going to break down because I'm not strong enough.

I obviously break down when I see him lying there on the bed carelessly. I understand and realize I'm not really strong right now, but everyone doesnt need to constantly treat me like a baby.

I drive to the place I have been day and night every day since it happened. I walk up the steps today, even though his room is on the sixth floor.

"Hey honey" the nurse greets me, smiling as I walk down the hall.

"Hi" I half smile and continue to walk.

As I am about to open the door to Room 612 the nurses voice stops me.

"Honey, you can't go in there right now."

"Why?" I ask.

"Doctor Smith is running some tests." she replies.

"Ok" I nod my head, and sit on a chair close by the room. "Do you know when he will be done?" I ask her.

"In a few minutes." she tells me, going behind the desk, onto her computer. 

I wait, but then get up walking over to the desk.

"Can you hold my purse, I need to go to the bathroom" I ask nurse Nancy.

'Of course" she smiles, taking my purse and putting it under the desk.

I walk to the bathroom, and look into the mirror. I gasp when I see my reflection.

My skin has gone paler, my eyes have gotten lighter, my lips are not the usual pink they are, they are way lighter. My cheeks' tint is now gone. I have bags under my eyes, probably from all the crying and not sleeping at night.

I finally cant take anymore of seeing myself, so I walk out of the bathroom and to the desk again, retrieving my purse.

As I am about to sit down, the door opens, and the doctor walks out.

"Arianna, you can go in now" he tells me, motioning inside. I nod, walking inside the room, closing the door behind me.

I put my purse on the little table thats beside his bed and then I sit in the chair I have been sitting in every day.

I grab his hand, laying my head down on our entwined hands.

I let a few tears fall but not as many as I would.

The monitors are the only sound in the room right now, the sound I've grown accustomed to.

I look up at his face. Its gotten much paler, close to a ghostly white. His lips aren't the same pink and they arent plump. 

I haven't noticed that more tears have fell until now.

I whisper what I whisper everyday, "Please stay strong and fight. Don't leave me, I need you."