fix me || • ksj •

awkward.

I feel my eyes burn slightly at the ray of sunshine peering through the curtains, I rub my eyes profusely as I try to see clearly and I stay still for awhile not wanting to feel ill like I normally did in the morning.

I run my hands through my bed hair and yawn, I stroke my hair again and groan, time to get a shower. I stagger out of my covers and make my way over to the bathroom, I quickly undress, brush my hair and quickly glance at myself in the mirror and cringe, I really shouldn't do that in the morning, I take a deep breath in and squeeze my stomach and turn to the side examining myself but I soon lose my breath and quickly exhale and start to feel nauseous. I shrug off the feeling.
I reach to turn on the shower and run my fingers thoroughly through the water hoping to get the perfect temperature, I yawn subconsciously and tap my foot impatiently on the hard stone floor.

I carefully step into the shower holding the door frame for support, once I am finally stable I tip my hair under the water and wash it harshly. I keep on forgetting to message Luna and Rose to see what they are up to, I should do that soon, i'm sure Luna, and Rose for that matter, will have a lot of questions about the boys here and life in Seoul, I'd better prepare myself for that question.

"Wh-" I say out loud trying to grab something in the shower to support me. Seconds later I find myself on the floor of the shower with no recollection of what just happened, my eyesight still blurry with black spots threatening to take over. tears start to form but I don't let them fall "Ouch" I hiss, the pain in my knees and elbows becoming more noticeable by the minute, I am surrounded by shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles that fell with me. perfect. I stand up again and continue my shower normally, the ache in my knees and elbows still apparent.

I carefully step out the shower and wobble slightly as I become used to the different floor surfaces. I wrap the towel tightly around my body and make my way out to my wardrobe. I forgot that I had placed all of my jeans in the wash, I mentally face palm and then look at all the skirts I have folded up at the very back. I'm not the most comfortable when showing skin so I will hopefully find some long socks to cover most of my legs, as I had left all my tights back in London.

I look at my knees and elbows for any sign of damage, I see the familiar colour of a bruise starting to form taking over most of my knees, my elbows weren't as bad but they still weren't 100%. I catch a glimpse of the scars on my wrists and further up my arms, still very visible and probably will be for a while, I stare at them and I start to feel ashamed and a pang of regret takes over me, I snap back to the present, the emotions still at the back of my head for now, I peer back into my wardrobe. Long sleeve sweatshirt it is.

I pull out and put on a (f/c) skirt, a black quarter length shirt with a (d/c) jacket and black socks that fortunately cover my bruises. I then apply a natural make-up look and gather my things together, I have a feeling that things might get a little repetitive working at BigHit, I guess the only thing that will keep me entertained is talking to Jihyo and all this (unnecessary) Jin drama, the other members seem nice enough to approach, so that's a plus right?

My eyes are attracted to the colourful wrapper of the cereal bar that I had left on my kitchen counter the previous night. I pause and look back and forth between the door and the cereal bar for a good 10 seconds, debating whether I should just leave it and go without anything today. I made my first move towards the cereal bar but then retract quickly, my mind and body competing for dominance. I speedily grab the cereal bar and shove it in my bag and rush out the apartment with no second thought.

I somehow manage to power walk my way to the BigHit, my earphones slipping out my ears with every step I take. I see the seven boys in the distance talking and laughing as they make their way to the front entrance. I quickly hide myself awkwardly in a bush and wait until their voices are nothing but a short murmur inside the building. strange I know. But i'm really not in the mood for confrontation this early in the morning.