fix me || • ksj •

tainted

His sweaty hands lingered on my body and the pungent smell of alcohol clung to his breath and clothes like a disease.
No matter how much I resisted and cried he wouldn't stop, the pain I feel slowly turning into a numb sensation. I sob and push all I can but he won't get off me. "No, stop" are the words I repeat over and over but it's no use. I start screaming and I start to feel an unfamiliar liquid run down my legs, I gag multiple times and shoot my hands up to his face and start to scratch and hit him. The cuts from his attack burn my skin and his breathing becomes faster and more pain is added, my innocence and happiness nothing but a feeling of the past.

My face starting to get covered in dirt and tears and I choke. Nobody deserves this to happen to them. "Get the fuck off me"

I gasp and my eyes shoot open to a bright light, I pant and cough trying to get the awful memory out of my mind, I can feel my tears that dampened my face and I wipe my eyes while breathing irregularly.

It has been five months today since it happened.

I look around again, last nights events coming slowly back to me. I gaze down at the covers of Jin's bed, the white covers sprawled out across the large mattress. I'm safe. My breathing starting to balance out. I feel tears forming once again and I take in a shaky breath, the tear finding its way down my face.

"(Y/n)? Are you up?" I near Yoongi's voice from behind the door. I jump out of fright then quickly sniff and clear my throat.

"Yeah, I'm up" I respond trying to control my voice, I hear him shuffle outside.

"Have you got a cold? Do you want some pills?" He answers in a worried tone, I smile slightly at his kindness and gentleness and I start to smooth out the bedding hoping that it would look somewhat neater.

"It's ok, I will survive" I say, my tears drying up but the memory is still there burrowing it's way deep into my mind.

"Good! Oh and we are having breakfast now, please join us" he pleads behind the door. I sigh loudly hoping that he would let me off this one.

"No point sighing, I'm going to come in after you if you don't come" he says in a dead tone.

"Please Yoongi, I ate yesterday night and I'm not hungry anyway" I reply quickly trying to convince him even though my stomach is telling me otherwise.

"Yeah you ate yesterday so come on, you don't have to eat a lot just a few bites or more will be okay" Yoongi reasons politely, I can just picture his emotionless face staring at my door.

"I can't promise you anything" I respond sarcastically and pull the covers off me dramatically, I feel my shoulders slump and I place my head in my hands and take in a long breath, I hear Yoongi's footsteps disappear from the door and I exhale standing up while I hold my head in discomfort.

I groan "God damn headaches" I drag myself over to Jin's bathroom and pull out my medication, my hair had been falling out and thinning recently along with my body becoming colder and paler than it used to, I managed to get some medication without raising too much suspicion, one of the side effects of the medication is small headaches which, fortunately, rarely occur.

I take another pill, probably not good for my headache, and swish it down with some water from the tap, take my clothes off the rack and start to get changed into the same clothes as yesterday, a skirt and top along with a jacket.

I look in the mirror and start to straighten out messy strands of hair and pick off loose strands of hair that had fallen out onto my clothing. I rummage through my wash bag looking for anything that could make my face look a little more presentable but I stumbled upon a small yellow tube-like packet, still sealed, with a familiar design on the surface, just seeing this made me think of the last time I had my period, It had been months since my last cycle and I had started to become worried that something is wrong with me. I don't think I have ever missed my cycle so much. I sigh and bite my cheek feeling slightly anxious at what my body was doing but I quickly throw it back in my bag and focus my mind to something else, hoping to find a distraction.