In Love With a Renegade

Chapter 3: Some Things I'll Never Know

I woke up from an unknown slumber, finding an unfamiliar, dim room. It took me a while to register where I was. I must have knocked out in Hayley's house. Right on her couch.

I yawned and looked at the nearest digital clock, which was on the cable box. It was two in the morning.

"It got to you, too, huh, York?" I heard Hayley's voice ask. I looked towards her voice, finding her figure in the hallway.

"What?" I asked, squinting at her, trying to see her clearly.

"You can't sleep?" she quizzed, her voice blunt.

"Oh," I huffed. I shook my head. "No."

"You've got something on you mind. Maybe too many somethings."

"H-How would you know?" I asked, sounding more defensive than I desired. Hayley finally entered the living room, the moonlight showing her face.

"Do you forget I'm human too, York?" she chuckled as she shoved her hands in her robe's pockets. "C'mon. We're going outside." I didn't question it. I followed Hayley to the door, grabbing and slipping into my jacket on the way out. We walked about a block, nothing but the night sky and its winking stars looking down at us; and the crickets chirping in unison.

We stopped at an empty parking lot that had a short, red brick wall with little graffiti. Hayley leaned against it and stared up at the sky, her eyes sparkling just like the stars that reflected in them.

"York?" she tried, her eyes still fixed on the dark velvet that was coated with diamonds.

"Hm?"

"Who do you think you are?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, not sure how she wanted me to answer this.

"Who do you think you are?" she repeated, shifting her focus to me. "Who is Taylor York?"

"Well," I swallowed, my throat feeling dry. "I-I'm Taylor York. I, uh... I'm five-te--"

"No, not what you are," Hayley interrupted. "Who you are."

"I'm not sure," I said with honesty. I was also too lazy and tired to fight with her about inward structure.

"I feel that way, most of the time," she said with a nod. She pulled out a lighter and a box of cigarettes from her robe pockets; she took a cigarette and placed it between her lips as she tried to light it.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I exclaimed. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Having a smoke," Hayley said casually as she stared at me from the corner of her eye.

"Do you know that those things can kill you?" I asked rhetorically. Hayley chuckled, that half smile appearing on her face again. She took the lit cigarette out of her mouth and blew a white cloud into the darkness.

"Only if you smoke every day, stiff," she chuckled. "I only smoke once a month. Just one day."

"So you think," I scoffed, hearing the excuses from all addicts.

"Oh, I know," Hayley corrected before taking another draw of her nicotine roll. "What's the date?" I glanced at my phone.

"The twentieth, why?"

"I only smoke on the twentieth," Hayley said, pointing the burning ashes towards me. She turned it away from me and flicked some of the ashes off to continue.

"Why?" I asked again.

"Science. I'm a lot smarter than I look, York," she said with dullness in her voice. "It takes about a week or less to get heavy toxins out of the body, naturally. And, hell, with tar and crap? I don't know how long it'll take. So to be on the safe side, I wait a month. Plus it lowers my chances of being addicted to nicotine."

"Surprised the little rebel has a safe side," I smirked as I rose my eyebrows.

"Some things, you just don't take too far, y'know?" she huffed as she folded her arms, letting the cigarette rest between her lips. I nodded as I studied her. There was a moment of stillness. Hayley broke it, smirking to herself as she looked down at the bumpy cement. She crushed the cigarette on the wall, letting the embers die under her pressure.

"I question myself a lot, York," she said as she watched the rest of the smoke drift from the burned item; like the last breath leaving from a dying body. "I question myself a lot more than you think."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Like what?"

"Oh, stupid things, you know?" she chuckled, making quick eye contact with me. I noticed in that glimpse that her hazel eyes were lightly misted with tears.

"Hit me with your best shot," I said as I sat on the wall.

"I don't know," she smirked as she played with her sleeves. "Things like why do I shut people out or why I do the things I do."

"Well, you don't shut me out," I said. Hayley looked up at me, her eyes meeting mine again. She smiled a small smile.

"Guess so," she said.

"Why is that?" I asked. "I'm nothing but a stiff." We both chuckled at my comment.

"I don't know," Hayley said. "It's different. I feel like I can tell you anything. Like I can trust you."

"I guess it's just that," I said with a small smile.

"What?" she asked.

"A matter of trust." Hayley smiled a little more and nudged me gently with her shoulder.

"Come on, York," she sighed as she pushed herself away from the wall. "I'm taking you home when the sun is up. We better get as much rest as we can get." I smiled a little at her remark and hopped off the wall, following her back to her house.

       She walked towards the hall to return to her room, but I stopped her by taking hold of her arm.

"Hayles?" I tried.

"Yeah?" she asked as she looked back at me, curiosity in her eyes.

"Who do you think you are?" I asked, returning her question from earlier. Hayley smiled a little and gave a slight shrug.

"I'm not so sure yet, either," she said. "Maybe some things we'll never find out. So I let them go."

"Ignorance is bliss, huh?" I quizzed with a smirk.

"Bliss is ignorance," she said, pointing a finger at me. I cocked my head to the side, confused.

"Isn't that the same thing?" I asked.

"No, it's not," she explained, shaking her head. "Not knowing is happiness, is what you said. Happiness is not knowing, is what I say." Before I could ask for a clarification, Hayley slipped from my grasp and disappeared into her room for the night, leaving me to ponder about her words.