In Love With a Renegade

Chapter 7: Last Hope

I pushed the piece of orange chicken around on my plate, Hayley's half smile still stuck in my mind. She would never want to be with a stiff like me.

"York?" she tried. I looked up at her, her hazel eyes full of concern. "You alright, buddy?"

"Yeah," I said with a nod, managing a smile. "I'm fine."

"What is it?" she groaned playfully.

"Nothing," I smirked.

"You're not eating and I know that orange chicken is your favorite," she chuckled, her chopsticks taking the piece from my plate. I didn't fight it; I let her take it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," I said, putting my chopsticks down on my plate. Hayley stared into my eyes as I stared into hers. There were clearing up a little from redness. I could finally see how her eyes sparkled, but they didn't at that moment. They seemed to become dim.

Hayley looked around the restaurant, pain slightly visible in her face. She looked at me, trying to fake a smile.

"Taylor?" she tried. My heart stopped beating for a minute, shocked she called me by my first name. I knew it was important. I focused all my attention to her. "I think I should tell you everything."

"W-What do you mean?" I stammered, confused by her words. Hayley gave me a stern look.

"I mean, everything," she repeated. "Just... when we get to your house." I nodded.

As soon as we got into my house, Hayley did the unexpected. She removed her leather jacket and left in on the arm of the couch where I sat. She hugged herself, trying to cover her arms.

"Can I trust you?" she asked as she walked towards me. She looked vulnerable, almost like a lost child. I nodded and urged her to sit next to me. Hayley hesitated to reveal her scars, some of them being deeper than others. Her hazel eyes seemed to glaze over as she saw the shock on my face.

"Hayley..." I sighed, carefully stroking them. "Please don't do this again."

"York, I know you want to know why I did this," she blurted. I nodded again.

"Yes," I breathed. "Yes, why did you do this?"

"Well, this one," she pointed at one scar, "was for my first lover. He broke my heart into pieces. The one under it was for giving him another chance. Terrible mistake. Then, he cheated. That's the small one next to it."

"When was this?" I asked.

"Around eighteen. More or less," she estimated. She pointed to another scar that went all the way down her wrist, it being deep. "This was from the man I thought I couldn't live without. I gave him everything. I really mean everything, York. But then... he said I never did enough. Turns out, he wanted me for only sex."

"I'm so sorry, Hayles," I sighed. She managed to give a smile but it faded quickly.

"The others were from hopeless nights and fake friends. I guess you could say life fucked me up."

"Well, doesn't it do that to everyone?" I asked, trying to help out with her mood.

"You seem just fine," she said, her voice blunt. "That's what got me drinking and smoking."

"Yeah, why do you do that?"

"I drink to drown them out. Especially emotions. I smoke to forget them. Clearly, it hasn't worked."

"Have you tried something else?"

"Nothing else works." Tears swelled in Hayley's eyes. A pang grew in my chest, knowing I wasn't ready to see her cry again, no matter how many times I've warned myself.

"York, I need to be frank with you," she sighed, her voice giving way. I swallowed air, it feeling like bricks down my dry throat.

"Go ahead," I struggled to say.

"Some days... I don't want to be here," she admitted. "What's in it for me?"

"There's something for everyone, I'm sure."

"It doesn't seem like you're sure," Hayley said. She was able to see right through me. "What's in it for you?" I shrugged, not sure what life had coming my way.

"You've gotta find out just like the rest of us."

"When I find out, I end up getting hurt," she stated, a tear spilling onto her cheek. She quickly wiped it away with the heel of her palm. "You know what, York? Today is just one of those days where I want to die."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I know that in the end, I'm only going to end up hurt. And it's always the people I thought I could trust." No matter how much Hayley tried to fight it, she eventually broke into light sobs.

"You trust me, don't you?" I asked, taking her into an embrace. Hayley nodded.

"Yes," she cried.

"I won't hurt you, Hayley," I whispered into her hair. "I promise."

"You don't think I've heard it enough times?!"

"I'm not like the others, Hayles. I really won't hurt you."

Hayley looked up at me, her face damp with tears. I got up and brought her some tissues from the bathroom.

"You know," she began as she wiped her face dry with the tissues. "You're the only person that knows everything behind me. You know what makes me who I am now."

"Really?" I was honestly shocked by this. Hayley nodded, managing to put on a weak smile for me.

"I really hope I can trust you, York," she said. "You're all I've got."