In Love With a Renegade

Chapter 13: Decoy

I woke up to red. The only red that would ever be familiar to me. Hayley's hair. I smiled and planted a kiss on her cheek. Hayley was still sound asleep, curled up into a ball under the covers. I never understood why she slept like that.

Whatever floats your boat, I thought with a smirk. I forced myself out of bed, being sure to be careful so I wouldn't wake Hayley. I put on a random pair of pajama pants and a muscle shirt before going into the kitchen. I went through the cabinets and the fridge, looking for something to make for breakfast.

As I pulled out the eggs from the refrigerator's shelf, I heard faint wheezing. I paused in the middle of my actions, trying to figure out where it was coming from. I put the egg back in the carton and walked over to my room, finding Hayley sitting up in bed, unable to take in air.

"Hayley!" I yelled, panic rushing through my veins. I rushed next to her, trying to get her out of bed. Her bare body was quaking in my arms, it seeming so fragile.

"Tay..." she gasped as she looked up at me. I hushed her as I lied her down on the couch. I got her a glass of water; she instantly drank it, her breathing finally returning to her.

"Are you okay?" I asked, still worried. Hayley nodded as she chugged the water down. I sat next to her, still feeling her body shake.

"Sorry, York," she rasped, giving me an apologetic half smile.

"What was that?" I asked. "Does that happen often?"

"It was a panic attack," she answered, honesty in her eyes. "Haven't you seen one before?"

"Not from you, no."

"Gee, York, are you from the Arctic or something? It's cold in here." I smirked at her remark and got up to get her blankets from my room. She wrapped herself in them as soon as I gave them to her.

"Why did you have a panic attack?" I asked, wondering what triggered it. Hayley looked away from me, her sparkling eyes dimming as she focused on the floor. She cleared her throat, obviously becoming uncomfortable. "You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."

"I thought you left," she admitted, forcing herself to look into my eyes.

"Left? What do you mean--"

"I thought you left. I thought you finally got what you wanted and just left," she explained.

"What I wanted?"

"Oh, don't play stupid with me," she spat. "You know what I mean. I thought you wanted me for sex."

"Hayley, no," I huffed. "No, I don't want you for sex. I've told you already, I want you for you."

"It's not easy believing that."

"Why would you think I'm lying to you?"

"Oh, I don't know," she yelled, sarcasm dripping from acidic words. "Maybe because every other guy has told me they loved me, but it was all a lie!"

"Hey, calm down," I urged, holding Hayley by her shoulders. She relaxed a little with a sigh.

"Sorry, it's just..." she trailed off. I nodded.

"I understand," I said. "I wouldn't leave you. I can't leave you."

"I've heard it all, York," she said, her eyes glazing over with tears. "I've heard it all."

"I mean it, Hayley."

"The thing is, York," she hesitated, the tears swelling in her eyes. She closed her eyes, tears spilling down her face. "I love you. I really am in love with you. And if you're gone, I really have nothing left. I have nothing to live for."

"Hayley--"

"No, you don't understand, York," she sobbed. "I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of being lied to and, and cheated on! I want to feel like I'm worth something, for once in my life! And the only time I've felt that way was last night, with you. I feel like I'm worth something to you."

"You're not worth something to me, Hayley," I said as I wiped her tears. Hayley looked up at me, pain visible in her hazel eyes.

"Wha... What?"

"You're worth everything to me, Hayley," I admitted with a smile. Hayley gave me a weak smile. "You're worth everything to me."