The new boy

You're Mine

After 3 intense months of rehab, Robbie was officially clean. He felt tired constantly but that's to be expected his body is going through a lot to get him back on the straight and narrow. I insisted he stayed with me in LA just for my own peace of mind so I can keep him some form of safe. I need to know he won't go back to drugs

Standing in the doorway I'm just watching him sleep. His fragile body covered in my big fluffy covers that I gave him, letting him sleep in my bed probably wasn't the best idea because the covers will smell of him when he's gone, again. His chest slowly rising and going back down as he continued his deep sleep completely unaware I'm just taking in his beauty, his sheer mesmerising beauty.

I replay one of the many memories in my head, the same situation, I was standing in our doorway just watching him sleep. We just had a massive argument and he stormed off to bed leaving me alone in the front room crying. I don't cry but when it came to him I result to a blubbering mess. He'd been shouting and screaming about how we can't continue together because we barley see each other and to be honest I didn't have anything to come back with, he was right. However, I remember being exactly where I stood now looking at him. Feeling my heart break because I knew in the morning he'd be gone, for good this time. The way his hair fell down his face as he slept was completely perfect, the way he was just him was my idea of perfection but we couldn't cope. With the fame, with ourselves and definitely each other.

What I failed to see was how it affected him, I was too caught up in being me that I didn't realise he was going down 'let's press self destruct' route and it very nearly killed him. I know for a fact I wouldn't of coped if I seen on the news or the papers that he killed himself because I'd feel responsible.

Noticing the covers move I went to walk away so he doesn't think I'm being weird by watching him sleep, I heard nothing sort of a whisper, god I've missed his sleepy voice

"What are you doing standing there"

How do I answer that? 'Oh yeah sorry I just wanted to watch you sleep' no don't think so, gathering my thoughts and looking over at him as he continued to lay in the bed making no effort to sit up

"I just...god you're thinking I'm weird aren't you"

Of course he's going to think I'm weird, who watches someone sleep? I see his straight lined mouth that's been a frown for months possibly even years lift in to a tiny tiny smile "you were watching me sleep weren't you? I remember you used to do that" his voice was fully with amusement as he began to sit up and look at me properly

"Watching isn't the word, more observing"

"Right" he shakes his head chuckling lightly

Feeling the urge to keep the conversation going I think of a question to ask him, not the best question but it's a question

"Whats your regrets in life Robbie" completely out of nowhere and it's obviously took him by surprise by the look on his face but he moves around and moves the covers back of his body letting them fall onto the floor, I'll pick them up later. He's never been one for tidiness

"You know I've always lived by 'no regrets' but my biggest regret was letting you go  and I know we can't get back what we had, ever, but I'm forever thankful and grateful that you've helped me over these months because honestly, I'd be dead"

I felt my mouth and throat go dry as he spoke I wasn't expecting that reply. I don't know what it was i was expecting but it wasn't that! On hearing the words fall from his mouth my face dropped and I knew Robbie seen my face as he said 'ever'

"Right...I'll leave you be" I try to exit quickly not showing my clear emotion on my face and I'm my eyes, going to shut the door behind me I feel another force keeping it open, shit he got there fast!

"Gary..."

"Look rob don't okay, just don't"

"I seen your face drop when I said what I just said, did you think...think we could have something again" his eyes were so sincere, greener than anything I've ever seen and by god was he beautiful. I feel the urge to slowly kiss him, guide him back to that bed and give him everything I have but my mind stops me. Everything else is screaming at me to just kiss him but my mind my bloody brain stops me

He must have sensed my urge to kiss him because I witness him slowly raising his hand to my face cupping my jaw, feeling his thumb trace under my eye as he fingers lightly trace my jaw line. Leaning Into his touch i wanted to give him everything, the world and more, just like I did when I first seen him on my first day at the high school. My face moves further into his rough palm, his skin is so rough, does he ever look after himself?

"Do you hate me? For leaving"

Opening my eyes, I didn't even realise I had them shut but his touch is so hypnotising I just fall into a trance of love.

Taking a deep breath and covering his hand on my face with my own I gently reply with equally loving eyes "even if I wanted to hate you, which I did for so long I wanted to, so fuckin much. I couldn't, i can't hate you Robbie...i lov..." my mouth was stopped from saying any other words and his perfectly sculpted lips forcefully yet softly claimed mine. At first I was shocked, it's a natural reaction to being kissed but once that got over and done with I kissed him back with the same amount of force, same amount of passion.

"God I've wanted to do that since I seen you in the hotel a few months back" he pulled back biting his lower lip, his eyes were clouded over, I knew that look. It may off been a good few years since I seen it but by god do I know that look.

Feeling the fire in my stomach rise for the first time in years I suddenly realised what it was I've been searching for since I started my career, since I got famous beyond my wildest dreams, it was him, it was love and security I've been searching for. Since the day he left, the day we parted in stoke I've never been the same. Everything somehow and some way has always linked back to him, no matter where I go or what I do I can't deny it's him my heart wants.

"By your silence I'm guessing I done the wrong..."

"Shut up" I whisper and close the space between us again, placing my hands on his hips and slowly almost teasingly lifting my mouth up to his, our mouths dance with each others as his other arm snaked around my waist placing his hand flat against the top of my bed trousers balancing his rough skinned hand in the base of my spine pushing me further into his body as the kiss intensifies as he decided to introduce his tongue to me, again

"You were mine once" my voice cracks as I pull away and his eyes open looking at me with so much hope and love

"I can be again"

He moved his nose against mine, foreheads meeting just taking in each others scent. It's been years since I've been this close to anyone never mind him. Finally deciding in my mind that I want this, I want him, i want all of him, I walk us slowly back into the bedroom. Moving Robbie backwards as I move forwards and our eyes never left each other's.

"You will be mine again" my words catch in my throat as I kick the door shut and hold the tears back, it's been years I've waited for this. I knew he'd find his way back to me and I'm not letting this chance slip. Claiming his mouth on mine once again he lets himself fall back on the bed with me following him as I land on top of him, seeing his smirking face below me made me want to slap him. He wanted this and he knew I did too.

"You're mine"