Secret Life

I Fucked Up

EDIT 2/20/2018: This was supposed to be up late July of last year, but I didn't realize until now that it was still considered a draft. I apologize for this oversight and will do better in catching things like this. As for the sequel, I got caught up in writing an actual study course for Eren to use instead flirting the actual story. Don't worry - the story will be up, and I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoy this one. (Title is strangely fitting no matter how you slice it..... 😌)

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As dawn approaches I hear groups of people walking around getting ready to leave. I didn't sleep a wink; I was too upset about what transpired and secretly hoped he'd come back. Above all I was pissed at myself for screwing up so royally. I stir when I hear the door open but slump down when I see it's Hanji, not... him.

"What the hell happened last night!"

"I fucked up. That's what happened," I say plainly not looking at her.

"To the point that he's smoking?"

I whip my head around. "What!"

"He smoked half a pack of cigarettes when I saw him outside. All he would say was 'He hates me now'. So naturally I went to find the only person he could be talking about only to find him not in his own room, but in my Titan Baby's room moping. What did you say to him?"

"Everything I shouldn't," I say getting out of the bed and walking toward my room. "Is he still there?"

"As far as I know."

"Keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't leave with anyone. When will training resume?"

"Two days from now, then we head to town for festivities the week after."

"Good, I need to tell him before the festivities, maybe during training somehow," I mumble to myself opening my door. "Send him to me once everyone's gone. Drag him here if you need to."

"Okeydokey!" she screams skipping away. I sigh deeply and rub my eyes. What the hell do I do now?

* * * *

I skip breakfast and lunch to re-watch some of his classroom videos. Though glad to have thought of stashing the extra TV and VCR in my room before anyone noticed, I had to mute it because, well, just hearing his accented voice pains me. I really have no reason to play them, but I don't know what is taking Hanji or... him so long. I stare at the intimacy book on my nightstand for awhile before stretching and returning to my work; I might as well do something productive while I wait. Doing the boring work takes my mind off him until I put the last file away. Left with nothing to do, I flop onto my bed face-down. My mind replays every moment he's looked at me, smiled at me, gotten in my face - every moment I was his focus and only judged me when I went too far. I see another side of him, and all of a sudden he's not Eren anymore? I'm doing to him what I've always hoped he'd never do to me - push me away or look down on me because of my past. A few minutes later someone barges in my office. I look to see Hanji alone, downcast, and angry.

"Where is he?" I ask as she slumps into a chair.

"Solitary," she says rubbing her temples.

"WHY!"

"Because Mr. I-Like-Breaking-People's-Hearts-For-Shits-And-Giggles," she snaps, "Eren was getting questioned by EVERYONE about EVERYTHING that happened yesterday. Eren was also getting chewed out by his sister about his smoking, and she especially didn't like him ignoring her. So she snatched the cigarette out of his mouth. Then Eren punched her in the face, dislocating her jaw. Then Eren relit his cigarette before proceeding to drip-kick everyone, including YOUR squad, except Armin because apparently HE was the only person outside of Eren's nurses who knew he smoked up to two years ago. So no visits or visitors until Erwin releases him!"

I stand there taking it all in. Now I know I fucked up. Wait... maybe... "Solitary where?"

"I think the rundown shack in the woods, but, like I said, you can't see him," she says dismissively walking toward the door.

"Why is that?" I ask warily, my stomach tying into knots.

"Because," she says exasperated, "Eren will be with me and Erwin since obviously you can't perform your duties," she finishes slamming the door behind her.