His parting words to me were beautifully bittersweet but that was before everything happened. Before they became so devastating that they tore my heart and soul apart, not ever to be mended again. He told me "You know I'll always love you, right, Va...
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Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn to sunsets and makes night air smell better. But sometimes we don't see it. We focus on the negatives. Because honestly who likes to be lonely? Who likes to feel the absence of someone who is gone? That is why we pretend when the sun is out, we pretend everything's okay. But when the night comes, when no one can see the pain, when it hurts more than ever, we tear our souls apart in tears that never end.
There's only one way to explain it people are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if their is light within. But what if that light is fractured, broken, gone?
And for the first time I see myself reflected on someone else. In the driveway of my godmother's house, Cole has stopped the motorcycle and I still haven't let go of his waist. Looking into his eyes I see the same darkness and pain I see in my eyes. I wonder if he sees it too.
I should let go of him before he gets things wrong. But I can't let go. It's as if he were the only thing to keep me from falling forever into that never ending darkness.
What surprises me the most is the very fact that he lets me. He lets me hold on to him. Perhaps are small connection allows him to understand. The fact that he has lived the same pain I have.
His light just like mine is fractured. That is why he gets drunk to forget the pain. To forget that he is broken. Just like I choose not to remember the past.
I let the moment go and jump off the motorcycle. I flusteredly mutter "Thanks for the ride."
He hops off just as flustered or perhaps it just my imagination "No problem, Vanessa." The sound of my name slipping through his lips so naturally makes me stumble to the door. Suddenly feeling a bit dizzy just how I feel before a flashback.
Cole follows me inside. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes," I let out "I just need to rest." I go into my room and close the door in his face. I let myself fall in my bed letting my favorite blue comforter hug me. I faintly remember that not so long ago Cole also closed the door in my face and I let the darkness engulf me for the seventh time.
Breakfast at grandad's mansion is delicious. But I can't seem to be able to eat it. Austin's brother is not at breakfast. Vivian told me that Austin's brother told her that he wasn't feeling good. Jealousy ran through me, why was he telling Vivian all of these things? Was something going on between them? It was as if that kiss had never happened. It was better that way anyways I thought as I found Austin staring at me with his green eyes.
But how would I be able to forget that he tasted like sweet autumn. Like nothing ever before. Or how the sun met the ocean for us. The dry summer flower in that envelope. All of that was proof that I would never forget. Ever.
"Are you going to eat that?" Kyle asked pointing at my plate.
I pushed the plate towards Kyle "You're the best Vanessa just make sure you don't starve yourself like those ballerinas with all those eating disorders."
