My Saving Grace - Brallon

Alone Time

I have been seeing Ryan less and less, which I guess could be a good thing, but I wanted to see him. It was almost the end of breakfast and I had my meeting with Dr. Wentz. Dallon wouldn't be going with me, so I was hoping I could spend time with Ryan on the way there and back.

When it was time for me to leave, Dallon gave me a worried look. He knew I would see Ryan without him there with me. I smiled at him to let him know it was okay. He didn't look assured. I began to walk away, but stopped when Dallon called out.

"Brendon! Wait!" he called. I turned around, people were staring at Dallon. He walked to me and hugged me, whispering into my ear,"He isn't real."

When we pulled away I nodded back at him and headed towards Dr. Wentz's office. When I walked into the hallway, Ryan was there waiting for me. I smiled at him.

"Ryan! I missed you!" I exclaimed. I hugged him tightly and kissed him. I didn't know when I would see him again so I savored the moment.

"I missed you too, Brendon," he replied, smiling back at me.

Ryan seemed different, I couldn't explain it. He seemed more reserved and very not Ryan like.

"Are you okay, Ry? You seem different," I said.

"Of course," he replied, giving me a small smile. I didn't believe him.

We arrived to Dr. Wentz's office and Ryan hugged me tightly before I walked in.

"Brendon, how have things been?" Dr. Wentz asked.

"Things have been very strange," I answered.

"How so?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and began to tell him, "First, Dallon has been helping me accept that Ryan is not real. He still feels very real to me, but I'm starting to accept it."

His face lit up with glee, he rapidly took down some notes.

"Second, I haven't seen much of Ryan, I've been spending a lot of time with Dallon, and when I'm with Dallon, I don't see Ryan," I continued.

"Putting you and Dallon together WAS a good idea!" He cheered. He scribbled down more notes.

"The times I have seen Ryan, though, he has been acting weird. He's more reserved than usual, it's like he isn't Ryan anymore." I said.

Dr. Wentz hummed, "That is strange."

"I don't understand," I said.

"I'm sorry, Brendon, I don't have an explanation for you," he replied. "About Dallon, how much progress have you made with him?"

"I've gotten really close to him, he talks to me when we're alone. He is with me all day everyday, he's basically attached to me," I answered.

"That's great!" Dr. Wentz exclaimed. "I'm so happy I put you two together!"

"I am too," I smiled. I got up and left the room, meeting Ryan in the hallway. I smiled at him sweetly. He smiled back, it looked a little sad.

"Ryan, I know you're not okay, what is wrong?" I asked.

"It's fine," he said. "Don't worry about it."

"Ryan, please tell me what's bothering you," I begged.

"I'm not ready to let you go," he whispered.

"What do you mean, let me go?" I questioned.

"Isn't it obvious? You know the truth now. I can't stay forever, it's not good for you," Ryan replied.

"You're not leaving me now, are you?" I gasped.

"No, not right now, but I have to someday," he said.

Tears started to form in my eyes, Ryan couldn't leave me. I wouldn't be able to take it if he left, real or not.

"No, you can't!" I cried. "Please don't ever leave me, Ryan! I need you, no matter if you're real or not, I still need you!"

"I know, baby, I'm sorry," he whispered. "Let's get you to the common room, we don't want Dallon to get too worried."

"But I won't see you, I don't get to see you as much anymore," I said.

"Dallon needs you more than I do, Bren," Ryan replied.

We were about to enter the common room, so I turned and hugged Ryan.

"I love you, Ryro," I whispered.

"I love you too, Beebo," he whispered back.

I walked into the common room and I immediately spotted Dallon. I smiled at him, even though I felt sad from my talk with Ryan. I could tell Dallon knew because he gave me a worried smile in return.

I walked over to Dallon and he grabbed my hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Did you see Ryan?" He whispered when I sat down next to him.

"Yeah," I whispered back. "I got a chance to talk some things out with him."

"Like what?" He asked.

"He said he would have to leave some day, so I could get better. I don't want him to. I want him to stay with me forever," I said.

"If he leaves you'll be okay again, don't you want that?" Dallon suggested.

"Of course I do, but I don't know what would happen without him in my life. I've grown accustomed to having him in my life, and for him to leave would break me," I informed.

"I'll be here for you, I'll help you through it like you've helped me. You're important to me, Bren. I'll always be here," he said.

"What if I lose you too?" I worried.

"You won't, I promise I won't let that happen," he assured.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"I know you won't lose me because I care about you too damn much to let anything separate us," he promised.

My heart started to beat loudly in my chest, I realized that I couldn't let anything happen between us either. Dallon had definitely grown on me and made himself a place in my heart. I deeply cared about Dallon, and I had just noticed how much.

Suddenly, I could feel Dallon's breath on my face. Our faces inches apart. My breath hitched and my heart started beating harder than ever. I closed my eyes and suddenly I felt Dallon's lips pressed to mine. I forgot about all my worries instantly and began to kiss Dallon back.

Our kiss lasted a few moments and it was utter bliss. I felt emotions I had never felt before and it was amazing. We slowly pulled away from each other and a thought instantly appeared in my mind. 'What about Ryan?'

I must have spoken out loud because Dallon instantly said, "He's not real, he's gone."

I still felt guilty, Ryan looked real and felt real, so this felt like betrayal. I felt like I had cheated on him.

"I'm sorry, Dallon, I'm not ready for this yet. I feel so guilty, like I cheated on him," I admitted.

Dallon looked sad, and nodded his head. I felt terrible, I hurt Dallon and I feel like I cheated. This was not good.

"Okay," Dallon whispered, I could hear the hurt in his voice and my heart shattered. I couldn't win with anyone.

A.N.

Next Update: Wednesday