My secret

Chapter 10

It's been a few months since I told Matt about not wanting to be alive. It was October right now and me an Jordan have officially been dating for a month now.

He makes me feel like I am worth it and I like that. I had been staying with Allie and Matt again cause my adopted parents are out of town for a couple months on business.

And since I have seizures and I can't stay alone Allie and Matt agreed to let me stay there. I was sitting on the front porch as always looking out at the water.

So do you have a hot date tonight with Jordan Allie asked me. She was sitting on the porch with me so was Matt. The kids were watching a movie on the couch inside.

I know I don't talk about the kids much in this story but that's cause this is about my head. And in my head I'm a lot of places where I keep the kids far from because of my dark thoughts. But back to the story.

Ummm no not tonight I said he's busy with a friend. Oh so then how about we have a movie night Allie said with a smile. Sounds like fun babe Matt said yay she jumped up on going to bath the kids and put them to bed.

Allie went inside to do that I picked up my guitar cause I had it out there with me. Matt was watching me cause he saw me pick it up. I pulled the sleeves to my jacket down cause it was a little chilly.

My jacket was grey and white stripped with some blue trim. I had on a pair of skinny jeans and under my jacket was a black shirt that said Aero on it. Plus my black and pink nikes.

I started strumming trying to find a tune I liked. I finally found one and started signing.

Life is easy with a smile just be yourself don't ever change your style. Hello world this is me life should be mmmmmmm ya fun for everyone hello world come and see this is me fun for everyone.

I stopped strumming for a minute and smiled I liked that song. Then I started strumming again kind of forgot about Matt even being there.

I miss my old friends cause they know when I need them the most. I made some knew friends and they cool friends but they don't know. What I do what I got who I am and who I'm not I miss my old friends.

I stopped when I noticed I was getting notifications to my phone. I looked at it and of course it was Matt live on Facebook I could kill him right now.

Think I'm busted everyone Matt said into the camera. Why are you recording me I said. Because you have a beautiful voice and your getting really good at the guitar as well.

Well I appreciate it I said with a smile. Play us something else he said please. Okay I'll play a little bit of one last song but it's only cause it's a song that makes me think of Jordan.

Ooooooo okay and Jordan is watching by the way Matt said. That made me nervous but I still wanted to sing it anyways.

I'm only doing the chores I said. I started strumming and trying to find the tune.

Yeah boy I'm digging what your doing yeah boy I'm trying to keep it cool but your making it hard I'm wishing your arms were wrapping me up tight. Yeah boy you shine and you can't even help it yeah boy your eyes they make the moon jealous and if you wanna know if I want to be your girl tonight yeah boy.

I stopped and Matt looked a little shocked at me. Your voice was really powerful with that he said. I play I a lot I said smiling and not looking at him.

Ooooooo Jordan our girlfriend plays that a lot oooooo. Shut up I said throwing a pebble at him. He dodged it and laughed , he says thank you baby and your voice is beautiful.

I blushed and looked at the ground. Awe a black girl blushing now that's adorable he said. Okay well we're going to go bye everyone thanks for watching.

I waved at the camera and he ended the video. Once he sat his phone down I evil looked him. Why the hell do you always have to record me I asked at the worst times.

Because you are better than you think he said and everyone loved it. I rolled my eyes fine I said putting my guitar in its case. Look Melanie you have a wonderful voice you do I wouldn't lie to you.

He was right he never has lied to me I sighed deeply. Hey guys movie time Allie said coming onto the porch. We both got up and headed inside. The guest room they have was finally cleared out so I had a room this time.

I'm going to put this in my room first the change then I'll be out. Okay sweetie will be here Allie said sitting the couch. Matt sat next to her and pulled her close to him like he always did.

I went into the guest room and leaned my guitar against the wall next to my bed. The room was nice sized the walls were painted a sky blue color. There were pictures all over the room of boats and lighthouses as well.

The bed was a full and the blankets on it had like a black and white checkered print. The room was well lit. And I had a bedside table with a lamp on it as well.

I changed into my pajama pants that were Leopard print , and a black spaghetti strapped top. I put my jacket back on cause it's chilly in the house tonight.

I had another reason as well I had recently cut and Matt nor Allie knew and I preferred to keep it that way. Alright I'm ready I said coming into the living room.

They were in the middle of making out. Okay well I can see I interrupted I said. No no no your fine Matt said pulling away from Allie as she blushed.

I sat down on the far end of the couch. Why are you wearing your jacket Matt asked me raising and eyebrow. Just cold is all I said wrapping my arms around myself.

He didn't look like he believed me at all. So before he could ask anymore questions what movie we watching I asked.

We are watching Halloween town Allie said super excited. And I made popcorn she said smiling at me and showing me the bowl of popcorn.

I love this movie I said taking a small handful of popcorn and turning towards the tv as she hit play.

I could feel Matt watch me for a little bit before turning towards the tv. I knew this was going to come up again later I need to get some cover up makeup for my wrist I thought.

I went back to paying attention to the movie. With an aching feeling in my wrist to cut for some reason maybe guilt.......