My secret

Chapter 4

Melanie whats that on your wrist Allie said to me the next day as we were all sitting around the table having lunch.  Matt looked over and saw what Allie was talking about I pulled my sleeves down to my shirt. It's nothing I said ummm I'm done I said clearing my plate super fast I was trying to make it to out the door to walk down to the beach. Well that didn't go as planned Matt stopped me once i hit the porch want to explain he said looking at me. Not really I said trying to go down the steps he stopped me you need to talk about this he said. No I don't and I'm not going to I said because why does it even matter. Why do you even care nobody cares I'm use to no one caring I yelled. How about I about you and what happens to you and I can tell you this he said grabbing my wrist is not going to solve your problems.

Well it helps me and I know its dumb but for some reason it makes me feel better about everything. Just leave me alone alright I said walking off the porch and down the driveway i was heading towards the beach which wasn't to far from the house. Once I got to the beach the salty ocean air filled my nose. This was calming to me I put my headphones in and took my shoes off and started walking along the water.

Turned the music all the way up and out on Avril Lavigne here's to never growing up. I walked along the water and lip singing the song and doing little dance moves here and there. To be honest I didn't care who saw me I just wanted to feel better and this was helping I loved how music just took me away from everything. I walked for a long time when I finally turned around I had been through my playlist like twice I headed back to the house. Matt had tried calling me a couple times but I ignored him.

I was coming up the driveway when I saw him on the porch drinking a beer. He looked at me but didn't say anything I bit my lip before speaking I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier I said.

Look I understand your going through a lot right now but I am here for you I don't understand why you think your so alone he said. Because I'm use I being alone I'm use to having no one I'm use to just  not having anyone I replied.

He took another sip of beer well your not alone you've got me you can always come to me and talk to me. You should know that by now but you don't so I'll keep proving it to you. I'm not going anywhere okay he said standing up he took his last swing of beer and headed into the house.

He was right and I knew this but still I can't go to him with everything I can't tell him that I like him.  I headed inside my self and decided I need a shower to get the sand off me.

I took a quick shower once I was done Matt was waiting for my on the couch. Thought you were going to bed I said looking confused after I clean your wrist he said patting the spot next to him.

I sat down and finally noticed the first aid kit on his lap. He took my arm and pulled up. Y sleeve my cuts were pretty sore. I flinched when he traced them with his hand. I could see how upset he was in his face from me cutting.

He took out some alcohol wipes and started dabbing at my cuts. Well this burns I said in a low voice , well if you wouldn't cut then this wouldn't have to be done.

I kept my mouth shut after that because I knew he was right. After the wipes he put some antibacterial cream on it and wrapped my wrist get some sleep he said getting up and taking the stuff to the garbage.

I'm sorry I said to him he turned back and looked at me I just want you to stop cutting he said. He walked away after that I hated how mad he was at me but things just haven't been easy for me. I heard his and Allies bedroom door close after awhile that's when I put my headphones in again.

I put my hoodie on and pulled my knees to my chest and let the music take me in. I started crying and hadn't noticed that Matt had come back out to grab his smokes.

I felt someone wrap there arms around me and hug me he was knelt down next to me. He hugged me tightly and rubbed my back while I just cried he didn't ask any questions just let me cry I calmed down after awhile and took some deep breaths.

Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours he asked me.  Just wishing that I made better choices that's all and that I didn't take everyone around me down. Wishing I didn't make you hate me for my poor choices I said.

I don't hate you he said just don't like when you cut is all I want you to stop. I know your going to say easier said than done and I get that but when you feel like that talk to someone talk to me.

I will try to stop and I'll come to you more okay. That's all I ask if that you try he said hugging me again. You shouldn't feel alone because I promise you that your not alone.

Goodnight he said getting up and his knees popped as he got up. Someone's getting old I said under my breath thinking he didn't hear me. He looks down at me oh really I'm old he said picking me up throwing me over his shoulder.

Am I still old now cause I still pick you up he said . Okay okay your only slightly old better I said laughing. He put me down on the couch again I'm not old he said.

Okay fine just your bones are I said laughing. You really want me to kick your butt don't you he said. Well don't break a hip trying to hurt me I said.

You wait you don't know when you don't know how but I will get you back for that he did the I'm watching you eyes as he walked away. I laughed and turned Netflix on and put on friends and went to sleep.