"Hush,"
He said,
As he slid his finger to my lips;
"Why,"
I asked,
"Why not me?"
As I swiped my tears from my cheeks;
"Because you're not her,"
He said,
As he slowly let go of my hands.
---
[[ I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M—
I'M MESSED UP. I'M A FAILURE. I'M A DISAPPOINTMENT. I'M A TRAINWRECK WAITING TO HAPPEN. I DON'T DESERVE YOU.
I CHOSE YOU. BUT I FORCED MYSELF TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE THAT'S NOT YOU.
I KEEP IMAGINING THINGS; I KEEP IMAGINING HER HAIR IS YOURS AND HER HANDS IS YOUR HANDS AND HER SMILE IS YOURS BUT THIS IS TOO PAINFUL.
You have to stop loving me.
You have to stop looking at me with those wide eyes full of love; I don't deserve you.
I kept hurting you over and over again so that you can forget me. You have to move on. You have to find someone else who's better than me. Better than I'll ever be.
I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SO—
I love you.
(I'm hurting too, can't you see?)
But you deserve someone better.
I'm sorry it had to be this way. ]]
—t. f. w.
