LaNyiah 20 about to be 21 aka Nae, Just wanted her life back to normal. Well it was never normal once she hit her freshman year of college. Major pieces of her were already broken and then a part of herself was shattered and stolen along with the mu...
I woke up at 3:15am. Can't say why I was tossing and turning. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to fall asleep before time. Even though Jay was warm and comfortable that's something I definitely don't need to get use to. I went to the bathroom to release my bladder.
When I walked back in my room I didn't feel like sleeping so I grab my moms letter and poem book and headed to our beautiful big back yard. I passed the pool and went to sit on the couch that's in our outside living room area, yeah my mom wanted it and sad said OK
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I sat down looking over my moms letter again. I then began to write in my journal
No feelings
I use to feel complete and loved. I use to feel important and then the devil came along and reminded me I was nothing. I feel as if I'm a waste of space, but then I look into the eyes of my beautiful pineapple, and I feel through her eye as if I matter. As the world would not be if I were not in it. And it's what my sister sees in me, that allows me to keep living and breathing.
I want to feel love, but no longer know what love is besides my sisters love. It's crazy and twisted how the universe plays with your heart and mind, and still expects you to stay sane the entire time. I feel numb to the outside world, but inside these gated walls on all this land I am safe and free. Here he can't find me. Here he can't harm my body, or my soul. But once I walk past these walls I am his. I am his puppet, hecontrolsmystringsoffearandanxiety, and he chooses when I'm good enough, and when to break me again.
I feel. . . I feel too much, and too many levels so I keep it all in, and keep everyone out so that I can no longer be hurt by anyone else. I feel surrounded yet alone. My sister is my comfort but she deserves a life, so I will not hold her down, but cherish the lil life I have when she's around. Once she's gone I will never feel again.
I hadn't noticed that she had walked where I was and sat down next to me. Texting Ty I'm sure. I slide her the note and closed my journal. She really doesn't know how much of an amazing lil sister she is. I sat and waited on her reaction to the beautiful letter our mom wrote.
Tynia
I woke up to pee and, then I do what I have always done. I tip toe down to Nae's room to check on her. Sometimes I see she has nightmares, and some times she just be chilling. But it never fails when I get up through the middle of the night I check on her. I grabbed my phone to see my handsome boyfriend had text me. So of course I texted him back and he was still awake.
