Can Hurt Heal

chapter thirty-three

LaNyiah

I woke up covered in sweat. I look at the clock and it's 5am. It's been a few days and Nia chose to stay with Ty. I think it's cute. She said he sung to her. Who knew goof ball had vocals. He still owes me food. I sat up on my bed and wiped my brow as tears flowed down my face. I keep seeing my parents the night I had to identify their bodies.

I never told anyone about that. It was the hardest time for me, well one of them. Im too young to have so many horrible times but they are making me stronger. I remember my dad looking so calm, but his neck which they had covered but I still saw the cut when I pull the covers back before they recovered him. My moms once flawless skin was bruised. They said she died from internal bleeding from the wreck.

See what I mean by things not adding up. Someone killed my parents and then put them back in their car and hit it and drove off. I'm not stupid by a long shot. My heart was still racing as I got up and threw my guts up and I was shaking. I turned on the shower and stepped in as my tears mixed with the water. I sighed as I washed my body and finally stepped out. I dried off and then brushed my teeth and put my hair in a ponytail before going in my room, and put on a green t shirt, black sweatpants, and my green Air Force ones that match the shirt.

I walked downstairs stairs but ran back up stairs to get my Valium. I took one with a sip of water. My nerves are working over time. I decided maybe I needed to go see my parents. I jumped in my black Range Rover and headed to the cemetery. I pulled through the gates and parked and started my journey to the place I'm too young to be in. In my mind my parents should be here to tell me, to watch out for boys, and my dada should be here threatening Jaylen and Tyrell.

Instead it's me and my baby sister against the world. I finally stood before them and kissed my fingers then touched their tombstone. They are directly side by side. My dad had a will which I thought was crazy, but in it he said he wanted them in the same casket if they died together. He's a nut I would not dare. That's nasty, he tryna be nasty in the after life.

I then sat on the bench as my thoughts went to when I was in a coma.

It's funny how I didn't remember everything. But I did remember how my mom looked, and how my mama and daddy are still rocking together. But when I closed my eyes the faces I remember turned into the faces I had to identify. I ran to a near by bush and threw up water. I forgot to eat. It's something I must do with these pills. I sat back down after rinsing my mouth out.

"Mama and Dadda, God how I miss you guess. Nightmares are consuming my mind.

What happened to y'all. Why did I have to see you for a last time like that. Daddy I need y'all."

I stood kissing their tombstone before biding my goodbyes. See this is why I don't say goodbye. To me goodbye is final. I have to say it to my parents because they are gone, forever. I walk to my truck crying.

Once I was sitting inside, I started it up, as I began to break down sobbing. At this point my heart and head literally hurts.

I'm glad my sister doesn't know the details, if she did I am so sure it would kill her inside, and if I can protect her from the way I feel I'll do it till I die.

I drove off heading to Taco Bell to get something to eat on the way home. I'll cook later but right not its like, I don't even feel like making myself lunch. As I pulled out the parking lot after receiving my food my phone rung and it was Jay. He reads my voice well some how so I clear my throat, and chew on a chip to cover any tones he may pick up on. I answer through Bluetooth.

"Hello beautiful, what you doing?" He asked. "I went to see my parents, then got something to eat, now I'm on my way to the house. I think I may have a migraine. What are you doing?" I said in one breath. "I'm not gone ignore that you said you have a migraine. I can already tell by your voice you been crying. You good? Need me to come over there now?" he asked demanding and concerned. Dammit I tried. "No I'm good. And just because I went to see my parents doesn't mean I cried you ass." I said rolling my eyes like he could see me. He was being annoying and I have a lot on my mind. "Really Nae? I know you period. Why you sound annoyed all of sudden?" he said getting on my nerves.

"Sir, I will talk to you later." I said hanging up. I wasn't in the mood to be grilled. I stopped at a red light and my head started swimming.