Can Hurt Heal

chapter twelve

LaNyiah

I woke up and I know I had to be tripping. But when I tried to get up I realized it was not a dream and I was far from tripping. I had a tatted arm around my waist and a face in my neck. I was warmer and more comfortable than usual when I sleep on the couch. I opened my eyes and saw Jay. 'Like when did he get here.' Nae thought to herself.

I begin to get up but couldn't. So I tried again, and the grip was like a death grip, 'Nigga let me the fuck up dude, geeze.' Thought Nae. "Where you going?" Jays deep voice spoke, "To the bathroom to get ready for school, if you let me the fuck go nigga." I said with a hint of annoyance in my voice as I rolled my eyes.
"Don't get smart" he said letting go. "I've been smart all my life, thank you very much." I said standing and stretching. "Damn MA, I could wake up to this sight daily." he spoke with a sly smirk upon his face, as he began to look me up and down as if I were his favorite meal that he could not wait to devour.

In that very moment, I wanted to die, because I only had on a sports bra and my black boy shorts with the white trim. He was wrapped in the cover so I grabbed a huge pillow. "Umm, don't look at me. " I said wanting to cry. There's no way he would see me as sexy "Where'd that bruise come from shorty?" He asked eyeing the spot over my ribs. "Umm, it's not a bruise, it's a, umm. . . birth mark and stop looking at me like that. I grabbed my phone and stormed off. "Shit we late for school. Get dressed; the guest rooms down the hall." I told him as I pointed down the hall while walking off to my room, I could so feel his eyes on my ass as I walked up the steps.

I hopped in the shower, and begin to bathe. I so wish I could wash away the other inner scars of him. But just like him, they will never go away, and I will never get my life back. He not only took my life, he took my child's life too. Even though I was afraid, and was not ready for a child, I would have loved him/her with everything that's within me, rape baby or not.

After thoroughly scrubbing my self clean, I got out the shower; dried off and put on cocoa butter and vanilla mixed lotion, I was sure lotion my body from head to toe, then slipping on my sun dress; afterward I bent over to put on my MK sandals, when Jay knocked on my door once, then took it upon himself to come in my room unannounced, without my permission.

"Well sure, Just bring your ass on in here, it don't matter that I didn't tell you to come in." Nae mumbled under her breath, for some strange reason her heart rate has quickened because she was annoyed, and afraid; no guy has ever been in her bedroom before.

"What was that baby? Speak up" he spoke slowly walking towards her. Without him knowing he was causing flashbacks of how Trey would stalk towards her before he would take advantage of her, and truth be told, it was sending Nae into yet another panic attack.

When he noticed what was going on he stopped where he was and spoke to her.

"Bae, I promise I would never hurt you. I would never put my hands on you unless I was making or showing my love towards you. I would never make your scream, or hurt you, unless it was me making love to your sexy ass body. Just calm down and breath baby, it's me Jay. Baby look at me, please God. . . baby please look at me." Jay said with so much love and concern in his voice. He really wanted to know more about his woman, and what happened to her that would make her be so afraid right now?

Nae finally looked up, but her face was red and covered in tears and sweat. When her breathing evened out he walked up to her; she fell into his arms sobbing for ten minutes. Once she got herself together. She went and washed her face and came back out the bathroom, acting as if nothing ever happened.

"OK, I'm ready for school now." She smiled, but Jay wasn't buying it.
"I'm not about to let that slide. So what's the deal? " he asked with a raised brow.
"Nothing, Just a moment, I guess it happens." she said smiling walking passed him.
She reached the bottom of the steps and walking in the kitchen grabbing her purse, which made Jay mad because she was really trying to act as if nothing happened. He stood in front of her and made her look him in the eyes although she tried not to.