100 ways to escape you

Chapter 13

About an hour ago it started to rain. The drops hit the window mercilessly as if trying to break it.

I'm sitting on a windowsill watching the rain from the other side of this dreadful hospital window. There's dust on the left corner and a spider web in the upper corner.

The spider is dangling up and down, up and down, building webs slowly thread by thread. One thread connects to the other and then so on. One of the others brushes against the spiderweb by accident, destroying the tiny spider's hard work.

I find this spider highly relatable.

I too feel like my slowly built threads have fallen apart. People who I've trusted have lied to me. Kept secrets from me. I don't know who is who anymore.

Honestly I should not be surprised about Ben keeping secrets, he is entitled to keep some things private. But this? How could he and all my supposed friends have kept this from me for so long?

And the most unforgivable thing about this whole thing is that he thinks I believe his little bullshit story he told me. He didn't even blink when he said why he did what he did. Did he rehearse this pretty little lie in his head to prepare for me finding out?

I don't. As I've said before, I'm not that naïve.

I put my head on my bent knee and watch the spider slowly pick up his work again.

I know I can't trust Ben to not take those drugs anymore. But I can keep him from them long enough until I figure out what to do with him next. I can't send him to a fancy rehab facility because we don't have the money for it, but I will figure a way to help him myself.

After all, we have survived many things, my brother and I. We will survive this.

I look towards Ben and he's scratching the part where the iv catheter is pushed into his arm. I roll my eyes and my eyes catch Chloe, who motions with her head for me to follow her out of here.

-Darn I really am getting sleepy...- she yawns for good measure and I smile.-Worrying after you Myles siblings gets tiring. Anyone want to get coffee with me? Hannah? You were around here, do you know where the coffee machine is?

I not my head and motion for her to follow me.

We leave and close the door, then walk a bit further from the room so we're not heard.

Then her face turns serious as she inspects me.

-Are you okay?-her eyes travel over my face with worry.

-Yeah... As fine as I was the last time you asked me.-I say without any emotion.

-You were crying, weren't you?-she bluntly says and I look away from her prying eyes, closing mine. She probably saw the tear splatters on my cheeks. And here I thought that Iwashed my face well in the washroom.-You don't have to say anything. It's just... You never cry. I'm really sorry about this Hannah... Not just not telling you, but...- she fiddles with her rings on her fingers and pauses for a long while.-I know I should have taken everything more seriously... should have told you the first time I saw him do this, but I guess inside my head I...-her voice cracks and she looks at me with tears in her eyes.-I couldn't comprehend that Ben could be taking drugs.. I'm so so sorry, Hannah..!

The taller girl grabs me into a very uncomfortable hug. I remember Adrian doing a similar thing and I feel a pang in my chest.

-It wasn't your fault, I should have noticed something myself, without all of this happening. I just can't believe some stupid fight with Black Paint caused this. – I say releasing her as she brushes her tears away.