The Replacement Boyfriend

Chapter 3

Tace

I felt like my heart was breaking but I didn't want to be a freaking damsel in distress. I hated that I was so sensitive and I hated that it was so easy to make me cry. I hated that I let my problems get to me and that I had to rely on Dane so much for everything. I hated that Dane and Zayne had to work so hard to change me instead of me fixing myself. Why had I gone and pretended to be his girlfriend? Why had I gotten so comfortable in his arms instead of in my own skin?

I should have been happy because I had gotten accepted into the course of my dreams in the college of my dreams. So why was I crying over someone who I wasn't even sure I had something real with? It had started off as a pretend-relationship and we had never spoken about what we really were. Neither of us had dated anyone else in high school. It had always been Dane and Tace against the world so why was it ending? Chicago wasn't that far away and it wasn't like either of us were going to cheat on each other? Was it even called cheating if we weren't really together?

My pillow was soaked with my tears and the back of my eyes hurt but the tears wouldn't stop. I felt stupid for crying over the ending of something that never really had a real beginning. It wasn't just because I was going far away and Dane was ending things between us, it felt like I was losing my best friend, too. The way he had left things made me feel like it was "goodbye", not "see you later", and it hurt like freaking hell.

I blew my nose into a tissue and sat up, aiming for the dustbin near my bathroom door. I threw it and it flew toward it, landing inside the dustbin. I swiped at my eyes, angry at myself for letting it affect me so much. Dane seemed pretty hurt about everything but he also looked so sure, which hurt me even more. It was obvious that he had been thinking about it for a long time, like he knew I was going to get into the university and we'd have to part ways. But it also felt like something else was bothering him because he knew I wasn't going to be that far away from home, but he had been planning to end things between us for a while. Every single word he said sounded like it had been pre-planned and rehearsed in his head. He was so sure about what to say and what my replies would be and how he would counterattack my questions. My heart hurt, more because I knew Dane and I would never be the same again. Something had just ended between us. I just wasn't sure what it was.

I got off my bed to turn the lights off when I heard footsteps outside my door. My parents and Amara were already asleep and snoring to glory so I was sure it was none of them. I listened closely, my hand hovering near the doorknob when my door swung open, nearly hitting me in the head. I took several steps back to avoid it.

I realized it was Zayne before he even stepped inside the room. It was the smell of his expensive cologne that gave him away most of the time, even if he was trying to sneak up on me. He shut the door behind him and turned off the lights, plunging my room into darkness.

"Red," he whispered as if he didn't want to wake anyone up, which I guess he didn't since he had been so quiet about finding the extra key we hid in the cushion of the porch swing and closing the front door so quietly that I didn't even hear it.

"What are you doing here?" I croaked, my voice rough from all the crying.

I couldn't see him and maybe he had turned the lights off because he didn't want to see me either. I knew how much he hated it when I cried. I knew that was why he avoided me when I was upset. He would get furious whenever he saw tears blur my eyes or when I'd panic.

"I heard-"

"I don't want to talk," I cut him off.

I had never gone to Zayne to talk about my problems or for advice. It had always been Dane who I run to who was ever ready to help me carry my burdens. It wasn't because I didn't trust Zayne as much. Zayne had just made it clear that he didn't know how to handle me when I cried or how to give advice. Not that I needed advice, not about Dane and especially not from Dane's twin brother. Bros before hoes and all that, even though I knew they'd both choose to comfort me in situations like this.

I turned around and went to my bed to lie down, facing my wall so I wouldn't have to look at him, even though it was dark and all I could see were his shining eyes. I heard him follow, bumping his knee against the leg of my bed as he did. My bed creaked as it took his weight and suddenly, I could feel him lying down next to me.

Don't get me wrong, it didn't feel weird. Dane and Zayne had spent countless nights sleeping over and it was not the first time Zayne had gotten onto the bed with me. It just felt wrong because it was the first time I was crying over Dane and Zayne had come to comfort me instead.

"Please go home," I said, my voice barely a whisper because I knew his brother needed him, too. I tugged on my cotton shorts and adjusted my camisole's straps onto my shoulders.

I was about to repeat myself when I felt his arms slide around my waist. His warm skin brushed against a sliver of my bare waist and I shivered. Assuming I felt cold, he pulled my comforter over the both of us, hugging me from behind. I felt my heart race up but it felt strangely comforting.

"Red, I'm sorry," he whispered into my neck, sending chills through my entire body.

"Don't apologize for your brother," I whispered back.

I felt him tug on my camisole so I turned around slowly, his arms still around me, preventing me from moving away as I turned to face him. I took a deep breath of his scent, my head carefully tucked under his chin. His hand moved upward until he was caressing my nape of my neck and then he tangled his hands in my hair. Before I knew it, my eyes burned with tears and I was crying again. I didn't want to cry, not when I was with Zayne, not when he didn't know what to say but I couldn't help it.

"Red, you know it wasn't real, right?" he asked and even though I knew he wasn't trying to be rude, I felt offended. "You and Dane started out as friends and then pretended you were together through high school but did you guys ever actually talk about what you really were to each other?"

I knew what he was getting at. It was something I had thought about multiple times over the past four years. I had wondered about it numerous times but I had never gotten around to asking Dane. I felt like it would ruin what we had and I was scared of losing it, even if it was just pretend.

"I was with him for four years-"

"As what?" he asked, cutting me off, his breath tickling my scalp as he spoke. "A pretend girlfriend?"

"That's not-" I stopped. I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Did you love him?" he asked and I knew I didn't have to think about it.

"Of course, I love him," I answered, without pausing for even a second.

"Do you love me?" he asked and I felt my heart stop beating for several seconds.

"Zayne. Obviously. You're my best friend, too." I answered a beat too late. I could never say 'I love you' out loud.

"But not like you love him?"

Why was he asking so many questions about whether I loved them both? I wasn't sure what he was trying to imply.

"Think about it," he said when I didn't answer. "Whether you love him any differently than you love me. Because I think you were just in love with the idea of being in love with him."

I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in. I didn't know how to feel but something about what he said felt true. I loved both of them – equally – even though Dane had been the one I confided in and relied on. I felt the same for both of them.

My tears soaked through Zayne's t-shirt and after a while, I stopped crying. I didn't feel much better but I felt like I had learned something new about my feelings toward Dane. Maybe I didn't love him like a boyfriend after all. Maybe Zayne was right and my relationship with Dane had just been make-believe after all. But that wasn't enough to stop the pain of feeling like I had just said goodbye to my best friend.

"End the chapter, Red," he whispered after a while, his voice softly and lighter, as if he was falling asleep. "You have a whole new book ahead of you."