The Replacement Boyfriend

Chapter 22

Tace

I waited for Jax to go into Cassidy's room, taking deep breaths in the hopes that I'd be able to feel the air in my lungs again. I could feel my heart thumping so hard in my chest, it was a wonder that it hadn't broken through my rib cage. My hands were sweating so I rubbed them on my jeans before twisting the door knob and stepping into the room. Since Jax was in the other room, I left the door slightly ajar but even though I hadn't noisily shut the door, Amelia noticed me before I even had the chance to get a good look at her.

"Who are you?" she asked, her eyes bright with uncertainty.

I noticed that she was fiddling with the knife but hadn't sliced her skin yet. She wasn't sure about it. She was scared of the pain. She looked a lot like Cassidy, minus the streaks of auburn hair. Her features were slightly softer, like her button nose but she had higher cheekbones and a rounder face.

"I'm, uh," I stammered awkwardly, mentally telling myself to pull it together.

"Are you Jax's girlfriend?" she asked and her question hit me hard enough to probably turn my whole face red.

"N-no!" I exclaimed quickly. "We're friends. I'm actually Cassidy's roommate. I'm Tace."

"What do you want? Did they send you in here to talk to me?" she asked from where she was sitting on the floor. She was straining her neck to look up at me. "Because a stranger can't talk me into putting down this knife or eating anything."

"I don't need to talk you in or out of anything," I told her, feeling the determination kick in. I needed to help this girl. "From the looks of it, you don't look so sure about what you're doing."

"You don't know anything!" she exclaimed, holding the knife to her skin.

I would have gasped in shock but I knew she wasn't going to cut herself just to prove a stranger wrong.

"Amelia," I said softly which seemed to work on her older brother and sister. "I'm not here to lecture you like Jax did because I know you're smarter than this."

"You don't know me," she said, her voice dropping low. "Go away."

I sighed and sat on the edge of her bed and she glared at me but didn't move from where she was sitting. "Come sit here."

"You don't have to invite me to sit on my own bed," she sneered. "Or even Erin's."

"I don't know you and I can't begin to understand what you're going through right now," I told her. "I can't begin to understand what any of you are going through right now but I have a little sister, too, and I know how hard I would take it if she was in Erin's place."

"If you think you can get me out of here with that, you're wrong," she told me, fidgeting with the knife again.

"I'm not trying to get you out of here," I told her calmly. "I'm not even doing this because Jax or Cassidy asked me to. I'm talking to you because I've been in your place. I've held that blade before."

"You've cut yourself?" she raised an eyebrow and eyed my hands. "I don't see any scars."

"Just because they're not on my wrists, doesn't make them invisible," I told her.

"Why would you cut yourself?" she asked. "You don't look like the kind."

"Never judge a book by its cover," I smirked and she eyed me.

I waited for curiosity to get the best of her because I knew she'd ask me the reason why I hurt myself. I had never told the story to anyone but if it was going to save her, I would try to. Even with my heart racing, my hands sweating and my lungs begging for air as the panic rose in my chest, I would try to save her.

"So tell me then," she broke after several seconds. "Why did you do it? Did you make a mistake like I did?"

"Firstly, you didn't make a mistake," I told her. "It could have happened to anyone driving there. You saved yourself and your sister, even if you don't believe it. You both could have died if that drunk driver drove into you."

"I shouldn't have left," her voice dropped to a whisper. "I shouldn't have taken her."

"You were trying to get away and she asked to go with you," I reminded her even though I wasn't sure about the story myself. "You doing this to yourself right now isn't going to bring her back."

"I need to be punished," she murmured and I felt tears sting my eyes.

"Then let Erin wake up," I told her and she looked me in the eye. "Let your parents punish you by grounding you. It's their job to punish you. You can't punish yourself."

She didn't move. She didn't speak and I wondered whether I was starting to get to her. Jax probably could have gotten to her if he hadn't started yelling at her. All she needed was someone to tell her what was wrong and what was right.

"Will you put the knife away and come sit next to me?" I asked her politely. "I'll tell you how I know what you're thinking."

She watched me for several seconds and I stared her right in the eye until she dropped the knife and slowly got off the floor. She nervously made her way to the bed and sat on what I assumed was Erin's bed so she could face me.

"I haven't told anyone this, not even my best friends back home," I told her, just to let her know that I was telling her for a special reason.

"Then why are you telling me?" she asked, staring at her hands in her lap.

"Because I want you to understand that you're not the only one who's picked up that knife," I responded without a pause. "And I want you to know the reason you shouldn't hurt yourself."

She snuck glances at me but kept her head lowered as I tried to catch my breath and calm down my heart. I tried to push my panic down even though I could feel it resurfacing.

I hadn't been completely honest when I had said that I wanted to keep it hidden from them. I hadn't been ready to talk about it. Whenever I thought about my past, I would have a panic attack and I didn't want them to see it. I didn't want them to know how much my past problems still affected me. I didn't want them to know how messed up my head still was.

"So I never knew my real dad," I started, digging my nails into my skin and hoping I'd get through the story before the panic attack took over me. "He left before I was born. When I was around ten years old, my mom remarried a guy who had...issues."

"Issues?" she asked, confused.

"He would lose his temper and he'd yell at me and sometimes he'd even hurt me," I told her, hoping that Jax was still in Cassidy's room.

I didn't want them to know even though I knew Amelia would tell them at some point. While I prayed for him to still be busy with Cassidy, I knew he'd take time to convince Cassidy because she was really stubborn.

"My mom turned a blind eye toward it," I admitted. "She didn't try to stop him. She ignored the problem as if it would go away if she did. My two best friends were all I had but even they don't know what I'm about to tell you."

She nodded and I could tell that she wasn't going to tell anyone, not even her family.

"When I turned thirteen, I fought with my mother. I yelled at her and asked her how she could ignore everything while her new husband beat me up," I told her, choking on my words. I took a deep breath. "He heard us fight and said I needed to be punished. He beat me up real bad that day. I couldn't go to school for weeks. But that wasn't all he did. He-"

I took another deep breath. I wasn't sure whether I could say it out loud. I had never said it out loud. Not even to Dane. And if I did, I was afraid it would make it true even though my mind and body already knew that it was true.

"-he raped me."