The Replacement Boyfriend

Chapter 4

Tace

It took a hell of a lot of effort to pretend like I was fine and fake a smile around Dane. I had gotten a scholarship, too, so I should have been over the moon but I couldn't stop thinking about how alone I was going to feel while I was away from him. If he texted and called me, I knew I would be fine but he had said that he wouldn't communicate with me much when I was gone. I couldn't tell whether doing that was supposed to be some kind of coping mechanism for him or whether he was just done with me.

He came over to my house almost every day leading up to the day Zayne and I were to leave. He pretended like everything was okay and I struggled to pretend the same. I let him help me pack everything I would need while I was away at college, knowing that I would regret pushing him away just because he had ended our relationship or whatever it was. I felt like he was hiding something from me because nothing he said was adding up, well, not on Dane terms anyway. 

Dane would have never ended things just because I was going away. Dane would have never cut off all communication with me because it hurt or for any reason for that matter. But I was too scared to ask if something was going on or maybe it was just my pride. If he was done with me, I had to deal with it. If he was lying to me then maybe we really weren't meant to be.

"That's all you're taking?" I asked Zayne as he placed one big suitcase and a box into the trunk of my car. I had a big suitcase and two boxes and a duffle and I was still unsure of whether I had missed something out.

"If we missed something, we can buy it over there," Zayne told me. "They have stores there, too, you know?"

I rolled my eyes at his comment and shut the trunk as he walked back into my house to get Amara. My step father was flying a plane somewhere around the world and my mom had left for Chicago the night before, for work. So Zayne and I were in charge of taking care of Amara till my mom came to the dorms and picked Amara up to bring her home.

Zayne came back outside, his guitar case slung across his back and a set of keys dangling in his hand. Dane appeared from inside, Amara in his arms, asking why he wasn't coming, too. He strolled into the drive way as Zayne locked the house up and I looked away, trying to hide the hurt on my face. I knew Chicago was a long drive away but the Dane I knew would have offered to come with and help me settle into my new room. The dorms were co-ed apparently.

Maybe he wasn't the Dane I knew after all. I wasn't sure what had changed but I didn't have the heart to try and figure it out. I just wanted to get rid of the pain and if that meant leaving him behind without answers, then I had to do it. I had to change and become someone who wasn't afraid of everything. I needed to make new friends and stop relying on Dane for everything and he was making that step easy for me since he had already told me he wasn't going to contact me. That meant I wouldn't be able to call him to talk when I was hurt about something.

I took Amara from him and put her in the back-seat, buckling the seatbelt over her securely before shutting the door. Zayne opened the other side and strapped in his guitar next to her and joking told her to protect it with her life.

I looked up and found Dane watching me watch his brother. I felt my face heat up and my heart lurch forward. I hated what came next.

"You're going to be amazing," he told me and I tried to blink away the tears that burned my eyes. "Keep your grades up or you'll lose that scholarship. That means no crying and losing concentration."

"Thanks," I said, wondering why he was being so formal. That was something my step father would have said to me, not something I expected to hear from Dane.

"Tace-"

"I don't know what's going on with you or even where you're going to study," I heard myself say. "Maybe one day you'll give me answers to why you ended things like this."

"It's not the end, Tace," he whispered, his eyes locked on mine. I could see the hurt in his eyes mirror mine. "You'll always be my best friend. Just know that I did all this for a reason. When you find out, I hope you'll understand."

He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me and I turned my head away, his lips landing on my cheek instead. He pulled away, looking wounded and I stared at the ground.

"Don't," I whispered. "It feels like a goodbye kiss and I don't want to say goodbye. I can't – not to you."

"It's not goodbye," he told me and I felt his fingers wrap around my arm. He tugged lightly, pulling me into a hug. I took in a deep breath, hoping I would remember how he smelt like later. I felt tears sting my eyes again and this time, I let them fall, promising that it was the last time I was going to cry over Dane.

"I love you," he said against my ear. "Please don't think I don't. Stop being afraid and live your life to the fullest, Tace. You'll never get it back."

He stepped away from me and I kept my head lowered. He turned to Zayne in an attempt to ignore my tears because they'd hurt him or maybe he didn't want my sadness to change his mind about everything. I chose to believe the second part.

Dane and Zayne exchanged "goodbye's" and "see you later's" and they mumbled about something else softly so I couldn't hear.

I got into the passengers' seat and closed the door, unable to look at Dane again. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to go and be gone. A minute or two later, Zayne got into the drivers' side.

"What about your bike?" I asked him, knowing he wouldn't want to leave it behind.

"Ah, I'll get it when we come back home next," he told me, starting the car and I purposely avoided looking in the review mirror so I wouldn't see Dane waving goodbye as we drove away.

"Are you okay?" Zayne asked as he turned onto the main road. "Dane-"

"I will be," I forced out, trying to sound as determined as I could so I could make my mind up that I needed to change.

"I'll make sure you are."