Fangirls

Part four

"She wouldn't say, but by the way she was talking I'd say she's had a pretty hard life."
"I still don't understand."
"I don't know what happened, she wouldn't say, but I was with her on her birthday and she cried because I made her pancakes."
"Huh?"
"I don't know she was really grateful, said we saved her life somehow." This is the first time I'm hearing anything like this.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I shake my head.
"Excuse me." A doctor comes out looking at us.
"What's the matter?" I stand up instantly.
"She was fine, but we had to sedate her, she should be waking soon, but I want one of you at a time to see her."
"Where is she?" I ask not thinking about the others.
"Room 446. Just down there." He points down a hall to the left.
"Thank you. I'll be back are you okay with her?" I ask looking at Jared over my shoulder.
"Yeah, yeah just go."
"Thank you, if she's too much just come find me, or text me." I say quickly before going to Alice. When I get into the room her hand's wrapped similarly to mine and she's fast asleep. Sighing I sit in one of the chairs next to her bed. "What the hell am I gonna do with you Alice?" I look up at her, her face peaceful as she sleeps off the sedative. I sit there for around fifteen minutes before she starts to wake up. "Alice?" I call out to her gently, my god hand reaching out to touch hers.
    "Hmm?" She looks over at me a slight haze still in her eyes. "Where am I?" She asks groggily.
    "The hospital."
    "Why?" She asks. Sighing I let go of her hand and stand up, my arms folding under my chest.
    "You got into a bar fight Alice." I turn to look at her, slightly pacing the small room.
    "I did?" She asks trying to remember.
    "Yeah, you did, with some guy. Alice, you're nineteen years old, when are you going to grow up and stop letting these men use you?"
    "Some guy?" She questions.
    "Yeah, some bartender." I say waving my hands around. "Alice, you're getting out of control, then I hear from Shannon that you're opening up to him. I've been your friend for how long now and you haven't said anything to me about your past. What's going on?"
    "My past." She mutters before sighing. "Alisha, please sit, you're making me nauseous, I'll tell you in a minute." I quietly take my seat and she finally tells me what's been going on. "When I was fifteen, my boyfriend at the time... Jason... he- he convinced me... pressured me... into sleeping with him and I feel asleep he took naked pictures of me. He sent them to all his friends and they sent it to theirs and so on, I didn't know until Monday when I went to school and this group of girls who hated me told me about it. They made me cry and said... some really mean things. Jason used me for sex and everyone called me a whore... I was ready to just end the pain, drop out of school, just do nothing with my life, but then I found out about Thirty Seconds to Mars and they saved me. They made me confident and sure of myself. I missed two straight weeks of school and when I came back, I was exactly what they called me. Instead of fighting them and telling them I wasn't what they claimed I was, I embraced it I slept with just about everyone, I stole boyfriends, slept with the entire football team, I dressed in short skirts and revealing shirts. I was steadily making myself known, and then I met Josh, and everything changed.
He made me feel so good, like I'd never felt before he was good to me, surprisingly, he didn't fuck me and ask me to leave, he was nice, genuine and I fell into older guys. Highschool guys suddenly weren't my thing. I'd show up to school covered in hickeys from all these hot older guys, I'd post pictures of myself in front of the mirror in a bathing suit to show off the hickeys. I was a whore.... I am a whore. So when Sebastian said something tonight, I lost it, like I always do. I'm not that little girl who can be tossed around like a rag doll, Josh made me even more confident, he completed my slut transition. But when Shannon showed me some genuine kindness the other day, I had no idea how to act, it was the first time I was treated like a human being and not a whore, the first time I spent the night at a guys house and nothing happened and it changed my perspective.
I'm nothing. He shouldn't be showing me kindness. I'm a whore who sleeps with everyone, I party, drink, I've done pot, I don't have a good relationship with my parents, and to top it all off I'm not going to college, and I don't have a job. I'm literally going nowhere in life, yet this man is being nice. All I could think about was how much I don't deserve it." The tears were falling steadily down her cheeks by the time she'd finished. "And Sebastian just made me hate men all over again. They're all the same Alisha, look at you Anthony left you because you wanted to be in your own house, with your family, and he thought he could stay with his sister forever."
"I'm so sorry." I whisper, climbing in bed with her, pulling her into me as she sobbed, the tears falling from my own eyes. "Listen." I push her away, making her look up at me. "You do deserve a love who treats you good. You deserve Shannon and his kindness, you deserve protection, comfort. You're not a whore Alice, you're just lost and afraid with no guidance. Listen to me. I want you to move in with me."
"Alisha you don't-"
"I want you to... I need you to, please."
"Thank you." She sobs again, burying her face in my chest.
"Sure honey. And the cafe is hiring I'll put in a good word for you, and before you know it, we'll be living in a house. You, me, and Makayla maybe a dog." She chuckles gently, squeezing me trying to bring me closer.
"Thank you so much."
"Hey, what are friends for?" I brush back her strawberry blonde hair. "I promise, everything will be okay now."
"What happened to your hand?" She asks wiping away her tears. I chuckle humorlessly.
"I punched his lights out, and I'm glad I did."
"No you didn't." She chuckles.
"Oh I did, he hit the floor like a sack of potatoes."
"She's not kidding." I hear a voice come from the door and I see the three band members and Makayla come in.
"All with a baby on her hip." Tomo says chuckling.
"Oh, you brought Makayla?"
"Yeah, when Shannon called and said you called him crying, nothing was going to stop me from finding you, not even a baby." I chuckle getting up from the bed. "Though when I hoped the bar and beat the prick I didn't have Makayla."
"Please tell me someone recorded it." Alice teases.
"You were awake, don't you remember it?" Shannon asks coming to her side.
"No, I black out during fights."
"Well, you hit him in the face with a beer bottle if that refreshes any kind of memory." I tease looking at Jared who's still got Makayla.
"Miss Donnelly?" The doctor comes with a clipboard. "Good to see you're awake, you're free to leave whenever you feel up to it. Just call the nurse and she'll take you out to the car."
"Thanks."
"Sure." He nods and leaves us again.
"I'll go get your paperwork." I suggest motioning for Jared and Tomo to come with me.
"Thanks Alisha."
"Sure. You stay and help her get dressed please." I say looking at Shannon, winking at Alice before disappearing closing the door behind me. Jared and Tomo follow me to the front desk where I get Alice's paperwork.
"Why exactly did we leave Shannon behind?"
"Because, she's got some explaining to do and I think he's got a thing for her, so." I shrug before looking at Jared who's bouncing Makayla lightly, shushing her as she starts to wake up.
"I think you have a thing for Jared." Tomo says leaning against me, his shoulder playfully hitting mine.
"Lies." I chirp trying to keep the smile from my lips.
"Mhm, I know what love looks like and I can tell, he's in love with that baby." Tomo says watching Jared when the nurse hands me the paperwork.
"Thanks and he might be in love with Makayla, but that doesn't mean he loves me or that I love him, despite how good he is with her." I shrug.
"Really because he talks about you all the time."
"He does?" I feel hopeful when I look over at him.
"Yeah, he does, but that doesn't matter right, neither of you feels anything?" I feel my heart leap in my chest.
"Yeah, right." I say shrugging like it's nothing as I bite my lip to keep me from grinning like a fool.  He talks about me. I walk over to Jared just as Shannon and a nurse come wheeling Alice out.
"Guys I can walk."
"No, no, stay right there." The nurse says shaking her head. "Can you go pull the car around?" The nurse asks Shannon, who looks at me.
"Subaru Forester." I say tossing him my keys and he goes to get it. He brings the car around and I take Makayla from Jared, waking her. She instantly starts to cry, wiggling in her carseat so I can't buckle her. Alice, who's sitting beside her tries to help, but she won't sit still. I eventually get her fastened, and give Alice her bottle to help her fall back asleep. "There, all quiet." I whisper. When I get out the three of them look at me. "Well, um, thanks." I say awkwardly.
"What do you mean?" They all look at me confused.
"We're coming with you."
"You are?" I look at them skeptically as Jared goes around to the passenger seat. "I don't have enough room for you all to stay with me."
"We'll figure it out." Shannon says waiting for Tomo to climb over the seat to get in the trunk.
"Um, okay, I guess." Shaking my head I close the back door and get in, taking everyone to my apartment. We blow up the air mattress I keep in the closet for company, or rather Alice when she doesn't want to go home, and that's all we needed. We somehow come to the conclusion that Jared's sleeping with me, Alice and Shannon get the air mattress and Tomo takes the fluffy couch, which in my opinion is much better than the air mattress, and even my bed. I've slept on it more then I've slept in my own bed, not going to lie. When we finally get in bed after a crazy night out, I'm overcome with exhaustion.
"It's been one crazy ass day." I mutter.
"Yeah it has." Jared says looking at Makayla, who's fast asleep in her crib.
"What's your obsession with her? The nanny told me you popped in the other day."
"She's adorable, can't I come and see her?"
"Yeah, but it's kinda weird."
"Why?" He asks chuckling.
"I don't know it just is."
"Have you thought about having another one?"
"All the time." I admit. "But I'm not financially or mentally stable enough for that, and she's still too young I can't handle another kid."
"But you think about it?"
"Yeah, I'd love to have another one when she's a little older. I have this asinine idea that I'll be married and living somewhere not in this apartment, maybe on the beachfront, with a fenced in yard, and a dog and we're actually happy and love each other." I shake my head at the irrational idea, looking up at the ceiling. "Why are you so interested?" I ask looking at him again.
"Just curious." He shrugs.
"What about you? You've already sworn off happiness forever, so is it just going to be you and Shannon until you die? Do you not have enough room for another great love?" I tease turning over onto my side.
"I honestly think my brother is my soulmate." He mutters looking at the ceiling. "We've been through hell with each other, I can't imagine a life without him." I feel a pull on my heart.
"Do you think about him dying a lot?"
"No." He shakes his head. "We're gonna die on the same day, maybe not the same way, but we're gonna go together."
"That's the sweetest morbid thing I've ever heard." I whisper, chuckling lowly.
"Do you have siblings?" I shake my head.
"Alice is the closest thing I have to a sibling. I used to want to marry a man with six siblings to make up from me not having anything." He chuckles lowly this time.
"That's cute. Tomo is like a sibling, and Stevie, and Alessandro, and Alex."
"And the rest of the world." I laugh fully this time.
"So I have five, but then Vicki's married to Tomo so I guess that's six."
"What are you trying to say?" I tease. "Are you asking me to marry you Mister Leto?"
"Maybe I am." He grins looking at me.
"You'd be an idiot to marry me."
"Why is that?"
"I come with too much baggage. A baby, a teenager, no money, no time, an ex who I share a baby with... no one wants that responsibility."
"Do you regret it? Having her?"
"Never. I love her too much to think about things like that. I wish it wouldn't have happened with who it did, but He has his reasons."
"Yeah, He does doesn't He."
"What about you? Why don't you have kids?" He shrugs in response and for a second I don't think he's going to answer.
"Never found the right girl, or wrong condom." He chuckles.
"Have you been reading my diary?" I joke.
"Is that what happened?" He asks his brow raising questioningly.
"Maybe it is, maybe we were stupid and didn't bother at all... maybe he promised me a life that would never happen."
"He tricked you into getting you pregnant?"
"Not exactly. I wanted kids, I always have, so when he promised to marry me, be responsible... I feel for it, hard."
"What an asshole." He mutters.
"He was something." I whisper before yawning. Jared reaches out, his hand on the back of my head, pulling me toward his chest. "Where were you two years ago when I needed you?"
"Not where I was supposed to be." He whispers back kissing my forehead.