Phantasm (Phantasm, #1) - Camila/You

Chapter 5 [📱]

I deserve this.

Camila laughed and my whole world practically came crashing down. Camila smiled and my heart would've jumped out my chest if it could. Camila sang and I just wanted to grab her and hold her body close to me. That's how much I loved her.

But yeah, I deserve this.

"You're good, Dinah." Julian gave her a thumbs-up as I pressed stop on the recording. Yeah, this was my job now. Just pressing buttons and sulking. Julian told me that he was going to take over producing duties and banned me from talking to the girls. Of course I could've just imposed myself on him but there was a point in all this.

He was stopping me from hurting Camila again.

And maybe in a sense, he was also stopping me from hurting myself. I watched Normani go into the studio. None of the girls even acknowledged my existence after that day. Well, there was Lauren who I would catch looking in my direction every so often but we never exchanged words with each other. I guess that would be for the best. Because again, I deserve this.

"Yeah, just try that line one more time a note higher." Julian was busy trying to finish whatever we could before the girls had to leave. It was our last day in the studio until they went home for Christmas break. I thought I would be more disappointed than I was but it was better this way. The farther Camila was to me, the better it was for her.

Sleep evaded me most nights as my thoughts clouded with regrets. However, it hadn't been good to me because I couldn't even write a single song. I just stared at the hotel ceiling, assaulted by 'what ifs'. I haven't really been making any wishes either. Or if I did, they were minimal and sometimes didn't even make sense. I remember about three days ago I asked Phantasm for 'the cure to an everlasting pool of despair and heartache that engulfs my impaired heart'. She just stared at me and two minutes later, room service brought me two gallons of ice cream.

The day went by uneventfully as the girls finally said their goodbyes to Julian. They hugged him and wished him happy holidays. To spare them from an awkward scene with me, I pretended to go out and answer a call. In reality, it was just Phantasm shaking her head and repeatedly calling me a 'love-deficient cactus'. I don't even know what that means.

Once I finally got back to my hotel room, I immediately jumped on my bed without taking my shoes off. Exhaustion settled over me and I felt my eyes slowly grow heavier. I could hear a faint ringing in the background but I couldn't move my eyes let alone my arms.

And so I finally let sleep tuck me in.

But even in sleep Camila didn't escape me.

That scene would play over and over again and in my head I knew I had to change my words but, no matter how much I planned them in my head, they still came out the same. They still hurt Camila and agonizingly so.

The moment I opened my eyes, I immediately saw the dark sky out the balcony window. Shit, I was hoping it would've been morning already. Now I had to deal with my thoughts again instead of sleeping. Not even a minute after waking up, I heard my phone ringing on the sofa. Being the lazy ass that I am, I managed to grumble my way to it but only after the ringing stopped.

I half-expected to see Phantasm greet me at the lock screen but my brows shot up at the twenty-seven missed calls from my mom flashing on my screen. So I wasn't surprised when I saw she also left me twenty messages.

Mom: Y/N, are you still in LA?

Mom: Honey why aren't you answering your phone?

Mom: I hope you didn't forget what today is. It's your sister's Christmas play. You're coming, right?