Phantasm (Phantasm, #1) - Camila/You

Chapter 8 [📱]

The sunlight stung like acid on my eyes as it seeped through the blinds. Sleep didn't like me much these days, considering I only managed to sleep eight hours for the last three days. Whenever I felt myself doze off, I was suddenly pulled back to reality.

There was no energy left in my body to do anything. Papers were thrown haphazardly on my bed as I lazily sat against the headboard, a guitar sitting on my lap. Hours would go by with me resting my head on the strings, trying my best not to shed any tears. But then again some hours like now, I would just stare at the ceiling subconsciously strumming my guitar like a robot-numb and devoid of any feelings.

"Okay, Y/N, I have had about enough of this. Pull yourself together!" I slowly turned my head, like it required all the effort in the world, and saw Phantasm glaring at me from my phone.

"Look at this mess," she continued. "You've been like this for three days. You've written ten songs about her already."

"Twelve," I replied. It was hard to recognize my voice anymore. It became hoarse, like I was gargling a hundred nails.

Phantasm sighed and shook her head. Normally her presence was a welcome sight for me even if she did tell me off most of the time. But now, her presence just annoyed the hell out of me. "This is not your fault, Y/N. Either get it together or make a wish for all of this to end."

"Phantasm, just fuck off, alright? I don't need you judging me right now."

"Wha-how dare you? I'm the only one even offering you help right now."

"I don't need your fucking help!" I snapped. "If it wasn't for you pushing and shoving me into Camila's face then this wouldn't have happened!"

I knew I said something horrible the moment the words came out of my mouth. But I was too tired-too hurt-to apologize or say anything else.

I was afraid Phantasm would get angry and tell me over and over not to take advantage of her. But the look I saw on her face was something I hadn't seen before. And definitely something I didn't expect.

Pity.

"Look, Y/N," she started. "I know it's easy to blame me for all of this. And you can. Give all your anger to me." And then her voice went soft and quiet but I could practically feel the coldness in it. "But then what? Would you get Camila back? Would you move on? Own up to your own fucking mistakes before pointing your finger at someone."

Before I could even think of a response, Phantasm disappeared and left me face to face with my home screen. She was right, none of this was her fault. I welcomed her pushing me towards Camila because that's what I wanted in the first place.

I just stared at my phone for a while before finally deciding to get up and walk to the kitchen. My mom was eating in the dining room when I passed by. I decided to join her after getting some of my own food.

"Oh my, you look horrible, honey," she remarked as soon as she saw me. I just grunted and started eating. My hair was messy and I was starting to develop dark circles under my eyes. It's a good thing only minimal people were allowed inside the mansion or I'd be the subject of tomorrow's headline for sure.

I looked around and noticed someone missing. "Where's Sam?"

"Oh, she and Sofi went out."

Another grunt escaped my lips. By now, my mom dropped her utensils on the table and began to study me. "Is something wrong?"

I debated whether to tell her the truth or lie. I knew my mom could help me go through the pain but I've always been the strong one that she could depend on. I didn't allow myself a second of weakness in front of her or Sam, and I don't know if I could show it to her now.