somehow, everybody was sleeping. the sleeping arrangements were somewhat hilarious. i was in the middle of ethan and holden in one bed, serena was in the middle of braxton and ginger in the other.
i was so on edge, there was no way in hell that i was going to sleep. i wanted to get out of the bed, and maybe take a walk... but that would have been a little hard.
god. i was so frustrated. the tears that i had been holding back for a few hours decided to escape. i couldn't stop crying. this was all my fault.
i wiped my eyes, and groaned silently. i couldn't stay in this bed any longer. i tried my hardest to climb over ethan without waking him up. of course, i failed miserably.
i ended up falling on the floor. OF COURSE.
ethan rubbed his eyes, and looked at the empty spot next to him.
"i'm down here," i whispered, and dusted myself off.
ethan covered his mouth, to keep himself from laughing. "why are you... wait a second, were you crying?"
i sighed. "yeah, i was."
ethan's face softened. "do you want to come back up here and talk, or do you need some fresh air?"
i got up, and bit my lip. "it's okay, you can go back to sleep."
he sat up, and turned to face me. "i'm not going back to sleep, i want to make you feel better. get back in bed, i'll hold you if you want me to."
i crawled back into bed, and changed my position so i could face him. "i do... thank you."
he wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me in. we were face to face now. he yelped as my feet touched his legs. "god, masey. your feet are freezing."
i gave him a small smile, and arched my brows. "really? i didn't think you'd be able to tell, since you have a forest of hair growing on your legs."
he chuckled, and poked my nose. "play nice, little one."
i rolled my eyes, and rested my head on his chest. "i hate my birthday, i really hate it. this day is cursed, i'm cursed–"
he pulled me in even closer, and kissed my forehead. "please, don't ever say that again. you're not a curse, you're a gift. uh, listen... i remember when you told that story in group... the one about your 13th birthday?"
i sniffled, and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. "yeah, it was terrible."
he played with my hair, and rubbed my back. "i don't really know what else you've been through, but i am seeing you go through something hard right now. all i know is that you're strong, you're brave, and you're an amazing person. you deserve the world and more, masen."
i couldn't help but cry, what he said was just... so sweet. i couldn't find the correct words to say.
he kept rubbing my back. "i'll let you know something about me, if you want."
i nodded.
"i went through something tough. not as tough as your situation, but it was definitely difficult. i got so depressed, masen. i felt like i was drowning 24/7. i drank so heavily, too. the drinking got beyond out of hand. my family was so scared, especially grayson. i started seeing our group therapist, one on one. we came to the conclusion that i have a drinking problem. i've been sober for five months now, but there were times when i just felt like ending it all. sometimes you just get so low, you have no idea what to do."
i looked up at him, and stroked his cheek. "I know the feeling. you never deserved to feel any of that, though. never."
he intertwined one of his hands with mine. "i just wanted you to know that... i was on board with the whole group therapy thing, but it was hard for me to speak up at first. hearing you talk about your feelings and the things you have been through... you've inspired me, mase. i feel so empowered whenever i'm with you. you taught me to never feel ashamed of what i have been through. you have gotten yourself through many rough times, and i respect that. i really do."
i really wanted to kiss him. i really did, but i didn't want to ruin the moment. this was enough, just being with him was enough.
**
a/n: this is such a long chapter!! we have learned a lil bit about ethan!! yaaay
