Spideypool Oneshots

Hypothetically

"So I've been thinking," Wade starts, looking to Peter expectantly.

"Oh?"

"Yes, and don't you take that tone with me. It's nothing bad, mind you."

Peter, not wanting to start anything with Wade, puts his hands up in mock surrender. "I never said it was! It's just when people start a sentence out like that it usually ends in tears and the line 'its not you, it's me', and I don't know if i'm ready to have that conversation." He takes a moment to think. "Can you break up with someone you're not even dating?"

"And people say i'm the talkative one, can you believe it? A guy tries to voice his thoughts and is suddenly accused of wanting out of a relationship. But if you wanna roleplay unhappy couple we can give it a shot?"

Peter scoffs, replying absentmindedly, "Please, if we were a couple we'd hardly be unhappy."

This, Peter realizes, seems to baffle Wade by the way his breath catches and masked eyes widen. Though he seems to recover quickly, placing a hand over his chest. "Be that as it may, my heart belongs to another."

Peter scoffs, situating himself into a more comfortable position on his couch by bringing his knees to his chest. "Spider-man?" he questions, despite already knowing the answer.

"Mhm," he confirms. "That Spiderling's got thighs that could save lives - well they do, but I meant it in more of a figurative sense."

"I'm pretty sure they could take someone's life too, considering his strength."

"Now there's an idea," Wade practically purrs and Peter really hopes he doesn't elaborate on said idea.

So, in a situation where Peter hypothetically courts Wade, he'd be rejected. For himself. Peter Parker would be rejected by Wade Wilson; long-time friend since the day they ran into each other at the grocery store four years ago. Both of them went to grab the last pack of skittles due to a random craving they each coincidentally had and ended up sharing as a compromise. Thus, the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Unlike Peter, the first time they met Wade was wearing his suit. So it wasn't like Peter didn't know he was Deadpool, it was just that Wade didn't know Peter was Spider-man - and still doesn't.

Anyway, Peter's fine with rejection. If Wade's not into him, that's fine. But the fact that Wade has a crush on Spider-man - who he'd met 3 years ago on patrol, boggles Peter's mind. Especially since the dynamic between Spider-man and Deadpool is pretty much the same as Peter and Wade Wilson's.

"What does he have that I don't?" Peter asks, genuinely curious.

"Well, for starters he lets me touch his ass."

"I let you touch my ass too, Wade."

Wade angrily waves his beer from where he's sitting across from Peter. "You didn't let me touch it last night!"

"I was doing the dishes!"

"So?"

" - at my aunts house! If you really think I'm an exhibitionist, then you've got me all wrong 'Pool."

"Spidey's an exhibitionist."

"That's a lie, no he's not," Peter calls him out on his treachery.