The Beauty of Despair (Book 1 of 3)

Chapter 7

PICTURE OF CAMERON ON SIDE ------->

It wasn't long before I jumped into the shower and managed to relax myself. Quickly I slipped back into the chemise, deciding to leave the hoodie on a hook. Quietly, I exited and was surprised to find Josiah asleep next to the bed on the floor. His lips were parted, his hair flipped onto his forehead, and his sweatpants hung low on his narrow hips. I was relieved to see he also wore a tank top with thick straps, even if it was still well fitted. He appeared peaceful and I tiptoed towards the bed. I had been stretching to step over him and hop onto the bed but he twisted in his sleep, effectively tripping me. Apparently he felt it because he shot straight up, peering around sleepily. His eyes were alert but relaxed when he noticed my crumpled form on the bed. I smiled sheepishly but he just rubbed his eyes, yawning and reminding me of a small boy.

"Are you okay?" His voice was rumbling with sleep and I sat up, my legs crisscrossed. I nodded silently and watched as he leaned his head on the bedside.

"I'm alright." He closed his eyes and nodded weakly.

"Good."

"Why are you in here?" His head lolled to face me and his eyes opened, half lidded. They were still intense but clouded with rest. He rumbled, an amused smirk on his face.

"Where else am I supposed to sleep but my own room?" Laying my head on my knees, I watched him shift to sit higher.

"You're on the floor though." He sighed and smiled at me, nodding slowly.

"I figured when you came out, you'd want the bed. Apparently I was right." I knew we needed to talk. I'd been trying to think of ways to say it during my shower but I also thought I'd have more time. Guess not.

"Thanks." Josiah's smile fell and he watched me with attentive eyes. He knew too and was waiting for me to start. He waited and he must've decided that I wouldn't start yet because he simply mumbled back.

"You're welcome." Sighing, I attempted to smile at him, worried for our conversation.

"You want me to start?" He returned my assuring smile and lifted his head from the bed.

"If that's what you want." Dropping my eyes, I fiddled with the blankets and began.

"First of all, I'm sorry for earlier. I wasn't actually afraid of you but I had realized how much you look like him, or his body anyways," I rushed the last part and glanced at Josiah to see his face expressionless but eyes storming, "I'm...working on some things and I wish you didn't have to be a part of it but since you have this silly, unwarranted crush on me-"

"It's not a silly, unwarranted crush. I like you a lot and I have my reasons." I glared at him, my insecurities causing me to grow irritated. I knew I wasn't beautiful; I was gangly and plain. Tony always reminded me. I was damaged and Josiah didn't deserve that. With a touch of poison on my tongue, I curtly continued.

"Whatever, anyways, I just can't be with someone like that. I need a friend." Josiah smiled but his eyes showed a gleam of disappointment.

"I can do that." I groaned, frustrated with the persistent man before me. Covering my face with my hands, my voice was muffled.

"That's my point, I don't want you to have to wait for me to get over my crap. You deserve a relationship with someone who can always make you laugh and then not turn around and run away from you in terror. You don't want me." Josiah scoffed and I peeked through my fingers to see him stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest.

"I know what I want. I told you earlier I'd fight for you, if that means fighting your past then so be it. I can and will be your friend until the day you're ready for more." His chin was jutted defiantly and his voice was strong. He reminded me of Gale when she tried to help me do things out of my comfort zone. Sighing, I dropped my hands and frowned at him.