qt ; sevin/tdcc

nine

alex placed his cigarette up to his chapped lips, he only smoked when he felt bad or guilty, and he was feeling like he was missing something in his life. his friend, christian, knew this. he stood next to alex, with a worried expression on his face. "whats got you down today?" christian said, sitting down on alexs porch. they were outside the front of alexs house, and alex sighed. "i honestly dont know, i feel like im missing something," alex said quietly, and christian immediately knew what he meant, even if alex doesnt himself. "you miss sam, its obvious." christian rolled his eyes, and alex frowned disapprovingly. "you dont know that," alex muttered, walking into his house, throwing his cigarette onto the ground and standing on it before going in. christian rushed after him, and tutted. "you're still in the denial stage, of course i do." christian said, shaking his head. 

alex knew christian was right, it has been a year since he cheated on sam but techinally he didnt. the girl he kissed on the hill forced him otherwise she would spread rumors he was gay. being gay was unaccepted by most of the school, and he knew what had happened to all the people affected by the gay rumors. he was friends with some of the people who got rumored about, and they got death threats and the teachers did absolutely nothing to stop it. he missed sams laugh, his laugh would make anyone happy and laugh along, he missed his little dorky smile, he missed sams hugs that would make you feel loved, he missed sams scent, his scent was citrus and lavender mixed, and when he saw sams face on that hill, both of the boys hearts broke. alex cursed himself for hurting someone like sam, alex knew sam was fragile and got jealous easily. when sam was jealous, he would ignore everybody and roll his eyes everytime someone tried to talk to him. all of sams friends hated him for what he did, and he knew it. he knew by dodies glares at him, her eyes full of hatred whenever they made eye contact, jamies voice whenever they spoke, his voice aggressive and arrogant. but benji was the one who hated him the most, benji had threatened alex once about what he did, and they way benji confronted him whenever he tried to talk to sam. 

he honestly didnt blame them, he hurt someone that he knew that was fragile and alex knew what he did was cowardly, he broke someones heart just so he didnt get a bad reputation. alex didnt really want to admit it, but he still loved sam a year after he cheated on him. but he knew sam loved someone else, he saw him with another boy only today, in the hallway. 

alex immediately hid when he saw him with the other boy, because sam could possibly recognise him and point him out, he hid in the janitors closet, and he eavesdropped on their conversation. "jesus f-fuck kev, what if we got caught? we'd both get detention." alex heard sam moan, and alexs heart immediately hurt. he remembered him making sam moan, and it was such an heavenly sound. but now him hearing sam moan because of another boy made alex disgusted, and alex knew he wouldnt of if he didnt cheat on sam. he and sam would of still been together, and that could of been him and sam. he saw sam rush out of the school gates, with his hand clasped in another boys. alex sighed, and rushed out of the janitors closet. he decided to follow sam, and he realised sam and the boy were going to his and sams old spot. alex sighed heavily, his hands shaking. he watched from a distance, and he saw sam suddenly stop on the hill. the other boy ran up to sam, and he seemed like he was comforting him. he saw sam shaking uncontrollably, and it looked like sam was breaking down. alex couldnt watch, sam being affected of a spot that he and sam would go to. 

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i always forget to say this but rn in the story sam and kevin are 15 and alex, dodie and jamie are 16 while benji is 17 

and i really wanted to make a chapter of how alex felt and all bc why not