EXO's XOXO: Hand in Hand

Part 2

Together with my mom, I was seated here on the rows of chairs which are intended for guests. Today, it’s D.O’s Graduation Day, and since his parents are abroad, my mom gladly volunteered to be their representative and she pulled me along with her even though I didn’t want to come.

Names of senior students are being mentioned and they walk up the stage to receive their diplomas and shake hands with the honorary guest there and then they’ll pause for a smile to the cameras flashing lights like there’s no tomorrow.

“Omo. Even though I’m not Kyungsoo’s mom, I feel really proud about him now. It makes me wanna cry.” My mom pulled a floral-designed handkerchief and wipes her small tears in her eyes. I just stared at her in disbelief.

Well, I can’t cry out of happiness now, or smile out of being proud about him. I can’t. Now, I just can’t. That would be the equivalent of lying to myself.

I’m not happy that he is now graduating. I’m depressed to sit in this chair and witness him finally putting an end to his student life. It doesn’t make me feel happy that he smiles so blissfully as he receives his diploma and hand-shake with those people.

I’m his best friend, but I’m not happy for him. I was depressed for myself. He’s going to leave me now. No. He IS leaving me now in this dreaded battlefield and I’ll be left alone. No more Kyungsoo to help me finish assignment. No more Kyungsoo to tell me how to do math. No more Kyungsoo to scold me on being lazy in projects. No more Kyungsoo to hang with during break hours. No more Kyungsoo to come with when going to school. No more Kyungsoo to walk me home and makes it sure I arrive safely.

No more of that from Kyungsoo.

I know. I know. I’m being selfish now. But can you blame me? His company and acquaintance had made my student life more exciting and worth it. In fact, I think he’s the only reason why I find something good in studying. And now that he’s going out of the school, what am I to be?

“And now, to give his speech, let’s hear it from the Highest Academic Honor, Do Kyungsoo.” The crowd gave a respecting applause. He bowed his head stood in the podium.

While everybody is glad and proud of him, I, on the other hand, just stare at him without any movement. I didn’t even bother to clap my hands.

As he says his speech, it was incomprehensible to me. I was staring numbly at him thinking of my future dismay without him. I imagine myself being so helpless and without anything to turn to. It would be a hard battle for me, nevertheless I need to face it.

I fidget with my own handkerchief and stared at it as I play it on my fingers. I wasn’t paying attention to him. Yeah, I still can’t accept anything about what’s happening now. I’m the worst best friend ever.

“…And for everything, I would like to thank this special person that stood by me whatever may happen. Kwon Giyeong…” My ears felt like they twitched on the sudden mention of my name. “..thank you. For being the person that made me realize I’m something that’s of worth. Your presence made me see my own presence. Thank you. And I’m leaving you here now, but I have faith in you, I know you’ll be living a day like this someday. And I expect to be there witnessing it..”

And he was looking directly to me in the eyes with a wide smile on his face. The smile full of trust. Even with a great distance, he still managed to find me. And I was amazed how I stood out in his eyes among this huge crowd of people. Do Kyungsoo…

I didn’t hear a word after that, I was in my own kind of daze when they all stood up and gave applause as I interpret it to be the end of his speech and it became a standing ovation. I don’t really know how to react right now.