Living Louder - n.h.

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Sarah pov

I walk through the streets of London. After being here for a couple of weeks, I finally start to know how to get everywhere. Niall told me that finding my way to Nandos was the most important part of being in London. I have to say that their food is very good, but I don't think Niall was right. I got a map on my phone so if I get lost I have a map.

I walk into a little bar and take place at the bar, waiting for the lady behind it to help me.

"Hello, what can I give you" the lady asks me.

"Uhm... Something with alcohol" I tell the lady, as she nods and gets me a little shot.

"Thank you" I say, grab the glass and let the alcoholic drink float down my throat. The warm feeling of the alcohol immediately gives me a good feeling.

I quit the pills exactly fifteen days ago. It was hard in the beginning but I think I'm doing well. The alcohol can replace the feeling of the pills, but it isn't the same. The alcohol gives me a feeling that I can do thinks, but the pills gave me the feeling that I can do a lot more. Thanks to those pills I could yell back at my mom, I cared less of what she thought, I was just really brave and with alcohol I don't even come close to that. But I don't need alcohol to be brave, I just have to learn how to live without things like XTC or alcohol.

"Oh hey, Sarah. Haven't seen you in a while" some familiar voice says as I look up from my empty glass.

"How the hell did you even find me?"

"It wasn't that hard. I looked up Nialls address and just went through the town"

"Who told you I was here?"

"No one, but it's alright now. Let's just talk this though"

How about no? What if I don't want to talk to you? What if I actually hate you and never want to see you again? What if I want to ban you out of my life?

If I just had one tiny pill I could tell her how I feel about this, but I haven't, so I just can't

It doesn't take her long till she is yelling at me, and till we get asked to please leave the restaurant, thanks mom.

"Just leave me alone" I yell at her as I start walking away.

It's already eleven o'clock, and there is hardly anyone around here. I hope mom doesn't yell those people awake.

"You took away my life, my dream, my money, everything I had. So no, I am not leaving you alone" she yells at me grabbing my wrist holding it so tight it hurts.

"Au, stop it! That hurts"

"You know what hurts? Pushing a baby out of our body, that hurts"

"We both know my life is your fault. If you didn't sleep with that man who apparently is my dad I wouldn't be here, or maybe you could've played it safe and warped the sausage. But nope, you were being your stupid drunk self and didn't think..." I yell without thinking.

I am shocked of what I am capable to do, just on my own, without pills or alcohol. But of course mom isn't, I guess her hand missed me because the hit she just have me really hurt.

"You fucking whore. I don't care what you do, I just hope it's miserable. You do not have the rights to even talk to me like that, I am your fucking mother who gave up everything just for you. It isn't that hard to give something back"

"You could've just put me up for adoption. That would be so much better, you could have been your selfish self, and I could live a normal life"

"I am glad that boy took you, I hope he does some nasty shit to you"

"He will never do that. You don't know him, and you do not have the rights to talk about him like that. He does take me as I am, and he doesn't nag that I ruined his life, unlike you"

Another flat hand is places on my cheek. It actually burns, I can feel my heartbeat at the place I got hit. But within a minute the feeling on my cheek is gone, because it gets spread over my whole body. Her knees kicking in my stomach and her fist hitting my face.

I wish I could hit her back, brake her arm or something like that, but I can't.

-*-*-*-*-*-

I act like I am totally fine when I walk towards my car, smiling the pain away for the paps that try to get one little piece of me on their camera's. I get into my car and drive back home, Nialls home. I hope he isn't there because I do not want to explain my black eye and other bruises to him.

When I arrive home, I open the front door of the apartment with crossed fingers. But I guess all I'm having is bad luck today.

"Hey Sarah, we're where you? It's late you know?" I hear Niall say from the kitchen.

"Just got something to drink" I say as I try to avoid him.

"You know I'm Irish right?" Niall asks me, walking over to me, "I know you know, so why go out and spend money on nasty drinks, while I got a whole closed full of delicious stuff? You are .."

"Don't ask" I say as he stopped talking when he looked at me.

"Sarah, what happened? Who did this?"

"You really don't get the 'don’t ask'-part do you?"

"I do get it, sorry. But you have to let me help you"

"Fine" I say and sit down on the chair Niall points at.

This is why I'd rather be with Niall than be with my mom. She wouldn't help me, or take care of me, Niall does.

I don't ever want to see that women again, never.

AN: hi didn't check it bc i'm lazy :)

soooooo let the stress of buying ed sheeran tickets start, bye <3