Against Myself.

Chapter 27.

Blake took me home after we saw Shadin.
I went up to my room and I didn't come out for the rest of the day.

People from school must have heard about what happened.
My brother said it was on the news.

I didn't get beat up the next day. No one whispered slurs at me.
I was sitting in 3rd period when the announcements came on.

"We will now have a moment of silence for Shadin Smith, who was shot and killed Saturday night, along with her mother. Shadin was a friend to many. She was a great student, kind and caring, and the staff here at this school is sad to see her go. There will be counselors here in case needed. No one expected this to happen. Cherish what you have, kids. It could all be gone before you know it. We will now go into silence."

One minute went by.

"Back to work."

I couldn't help but think about Shadin the rest of the class period.

I remember the day we met, despite us being so young.

I was sitting by the Legos. I was building a house. Some kid came by and kicked it over, laughing as he walked away.

I saw the new girl walk up to me and pick up the scattered Legos.

"Thanks." I said.

The girl smiled. "You're welcome. Can I play with you?"

I nodded.

"I'm Shadin. I just moved here. All the way from Cuba."

My eyes widened.
"Cuba? Wow! What's that?"

"It's another country. They speak another language called Spanish. I can speak some too, but Mom wanted me to learn English so we could move here."

I grinned. "That's so cool! I'm Chloe."

We were best friends ever since. We were inseparable.

I remember when I came out to her as transgender.
We were 11. Sixth grade. We were sitting on the soccer field alone together at recess.

I sighed.
"Shadin, I can tell you anything, right?"

She nodded. "Of course."

I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
"Well, I feel like a boy. I think I am a boy."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

I nodded.

She smiled. "That's pretty cool. Have you thought of having a different name?"

I shook my head. "What do you think I should make it?"

"Hmmm.." she scratched her head. "I like Cole. It's kind of like Chloe, but different."

I nodded. "Perfect."

The infinity symbol on my wrist meant more to me now than it did when I first had it inked into me.

It meant more to me than anything.

It gave me the feeling that maybe Shadin was still with me, even if not physically.

And yes, I know how cheesey that sounds.