Savior

Verse 8 (Final Verse)

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Breathe, I believe,

I can't live without you, I can't live with you;

And I'm in love with you.

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The day the media frenzy hits, you're both laying in bed and she's relaxed in your arms. You're breathing her in like it's the first time, the day glow falling in through the window as you kiss her perfect shoulder. She looks up at you with those perfect brown eyes, and she smiles. There's something about the moment that makes you forget that you should be breathing; instead your lungs stop functioning and you feel yourself sink into the way her fingers are tracing along your collarbone, the way she looks at you as if you're some kind of divine being. You can't understand what she sees in you. For years you were nothing but her tormentor, and now you're a recovering drug addict.

Heroin still calls to you in the middle of the night. A phantom voice fading in through the windows, tugging at your wrist and begging you to partake. You miss the way it felt like floating, the way you sort of felt like jelly. It wasn't like doing hallucinogens; you didn't see anything or hear anything. It just felt like your whole body was humming and sometimes you could feel it like a warm blanket covering you. It's still tempting to go out and find a dealer when she's out getting groceries or out to a late dinner with Shawn. You know you could reasonably walk down the street and find someone willing to give you the goods. Camila trusts you with her money, though, and sometimes you think she shouldn't because there have been a few times where you've slipped your shoes on and started for the door. You suppose the important part is that you stopped yourself the second your hand connected with the door handle. Everything in you wanted that high, everything, even the parts that belonged to Camila. It was like something clawing inside you, begging to be fed. It was unbearable and sometimes it physically tortured you.

Always, always she was there when you were in pain. Always she returned just at the right moment, her fingers tracing your face and pulling you back from that impossible abyss of addiction. You imagined your eyes were glazed and that's how she knew you were fighting the addiction. It was an every day battle, like she'd told Dinah and Mani. Always Camila was there to sooth your muscles as they quivered underneath your skin and ached. She somehow always had a warm rag to dab away the cold sweat at your brow.

Sometimes she'd sing to you when you asked, and other times you'd sing with her. You wanted to cry, wanted to beg her to let you go and find the high, but the parts of you that belonged to Camila wouldn't let you anymore. Maybe that one time, when you'd first made love and then ran away from her. It wasn't something you could've helped at the time. You were both addicted and terrified at the time. Now you weren't really terrified, just addicted.

Camila's lips at your throat brought you out of your thoughts, and you couldn't help the slow smile that fell on your own, "Come back to me," she whispered delicately and pulled at you. Who could resist her? The love she had for you was impossible, and the love you had for her was equally impossible. If you could go back in time, you'd tell yourself that all the hard roads you'd travel would bring you to her arms and she'd be there waiting for you.

"I'm here," you all but crooned and pressed your lips to hers, conveying all your love in that single moment. All your gratitude. It was so hard to fight the addiction sometimes, but having Camila seemed to make up for a lot of it.

Sometimes, when the addiction was especially difficult, you'd end up seducing Camila all over again to fill the endlessly craving void inside of you. You knew that she understood why you seemed so eager sometimes, but she didn't seem to mind. That was the perfect thing about Camila, she always understood everything about you and you almost never had to say a thing. You wanted that for her, though, you wanted to say more. You'd never been very good at expressing yourself - after all in the Jauregui household it had been all about hiding away your true feelings. Now that you didn't have a mask, you still had difficulties putting things to words. It wasn't that you were lacking in vocabulary - though you didn't have Camila's extensive thesaurus of words - just that you'd never been able to put names to feelings and letters to reactions. Sometimes it was all together impossible, but Camila always understood.