Project 438

Chapter 8: A Big Decision

My mind was other places as I played at my game Saturday. I knew I was not doing my best because I could hear my mom yelling at me to get my head in the game and my coach yelling for me to kick the ball in the goal. Tracy snarled at me several times. She took the ball from me in case I made it in the wrong net. I tried to stop thinking about what Paula Simpson said and focus on the game, but it was a struggle. After a few more attempts, coach benched me and normally, I would have been mortified since my mom was witnessing this, but today, I did not care.

Paula said they teach teens everything they need to know even how to heal themselves and others. That is what I wanted to be. A doctor and I was being given that chance, but under different circumstances. My mom would be furious and fight me about it as well, but something inside me wanted it more than anything. I wanted to tell Eric, but was afraid that it would not go well with Paula. I looked up at the stands to see him sitting there with my mom smiling down at me.

I also saw Paula sitting behind him watching me closely as if she was enjoying watching me play. When I sat on the bench and pulled my pads off, Ally gave me a look saying she was worried about me. I grabbed myself some water and downed it slowly trying to avoid looking at my mom. I was more afraid that she would come down the bleachers to talk to me so I made sure I let her see my headphones in my ears.

Coach was not happy when we lost the game and decided to blame me for it. Tracy loved that I was blamed. She used that opportunity to suck up to coach and play teacher's pet. Usually it bugged me to be put on the spot like this on the team, but today, it didn't bother me. Even when my mom approached me with her hands on her hips didn't bother me. I grabbed my bags and walked to the car ignoring anything she had to say though I would hear about it in the car. Eric followed me and pulled me close.

"What is wrong Lizzie? Usually you're the one kicking butt out there, but today you seemed elsewhere."

I wanted to tell him so bad. It was tempting.

"I just was not feeling it today." I tossed my bag in the car and turned to face him wanting to know something. "Have you thought about your future much lately? What you will be doing in a few years or where you will be living?"

He looked confused at my question at first then shrugged. "Of course I do. All the time, but I live in the now so there is no need to worry so much about it. I am still in high school so I never thought a need to care right now."

He was a senior while I was a junior and his future started after this year so he would be out there before me and it made me curious.

I was about to ask him about Project 438 just wanting to risk it until mom walked up. Eric kissed me gently, and then walked off waving goodbye to mom. I got in the car preparing myself for the lecture. This was it. She was going to explode.

Mom was quiet. She was gripping onto the steering wheel with a tight grip. I never really noticed how much losing bothered her since we never lost, but now seeing her tense like this made me feel bad. She did not speak to me all the way home and when we did get home, she began cleaning the table off and tossing things around. I tossed my bag on my bed and held Ginger for a little bit still thinking of mom and Project 438. I would miss Ginger, my faithful friend and Eric, whom I love very much. I would definitely miss Ally and how her dad had offered to help me. All these people were special to me, but I would be leaving them for who knows how long to become a crime fighter. Was I ready for this?

My mom came in later and sat on the end of my bed not facing me but staring at the wall. Her change of attitude was a shock to me as I watched her. I was waiting for her to lecture me but instead, she looked at me with what looked like tears in her eyes. Had my losing of the game really hurt her that much?