The Greatest Abomination

High School

As I matured, I became more confident in who I was. I had met Mindy and Melanie, two girls who'd end up being my best friends through all of high school. Surrounding myself with positive vibes was one way to adapt to a more self-loving mindset. However, there will always try to be those people that try to bring you down every opportunity they get.

                I'll always remember the day I was in class talking to my friend about how cute we think Harry Styles is when I was overheard by some homophobic pricks. They were African American boys.

“Fucking faggot” said one

I was taken back, in shock that it was 2013 and some people could still be so judgmental and hateful to someone who never did anything to them. It was kind of ironic. A homophobic black person. Another minority. Someone who has personally known and felt the blade and hurt of prejudice, emitting it. I guess in high school, you can't really expect much. People are assholes.

                I'm not racist. I don't judge someone for their appearance, gender, sex, race, etc. But I am not above proving a point by any means necessary. I was done feeling humiliated for who I was, and I wouldn't let myself “just take” the criticism as I had in middle school. What happened next showed me the double standard humans possess too many times.

“Fucking nigger” I replied

“The fuck did you say? Why don't you go suck a dick, homo?”

“Why don't you go pick some cotton, fucking slave?”

No doubt that if that teacher hadn't intervened things would've gotten physical. I was sent to the principal's office and had to explain myself. So maybe fighting fire with fire isn't recommended, but I wouldn't live up to the typical teenager stereotypes if I didn't fuck up every now and then.

                “I didn't do anything wrong, Mr. Miller. I'm not racist, I just used racist remarks to prove my point. Everyone acts like I did some huge mistake and turns a blind eye to him simply because he's not the minority here. Homophobia and racism are two sides of the same coin – prejudice. What he said to me is not any more messed up than what I said to him but no one takes me seriously.”

I was given a week's worth of detention while my verbal attacker given only three days. And here I thought, offending a gay in the 21st century seemed like signing your death certificate. Guess not, though. When my mom asked for a reason on why I, a smart do-gooder that never gets in trouble at school got detention, I said the most bullshit excuse that came to mind, “chewing gum”. She never questioned it.

                Since that incident, I became more explicit on social media. I guess it’s pretty cliché to fall in the grips of technology, but it was liberating. I could read point of views from other LGBT members and know I was not alone in this. I even reconnected with Tania. Since she went to a different high school, communication has been rough to keep up. But, everything with social media just seemed easier. I had no shame in expressing myself now. Twitter became my defense mechanism. I am a fan of black humor, which is something every other tweet I sent consisted of. The thing is, if you embrace who you are, no one can use it against you. For example, by tweeting “I love sucking dick”, someone telling me to go suck a dick wasn't offensive to me. I took control that way. I don't know if it's the smartest thing to do, but it's a way I fought homophobia.

                I took charge of my own sexuality, I wouldn't let it fall victim to anyone's harassment. I guess what I'm saying is that by calling myself a fag, I take the power you think you hold over me away if you call me a fag. This is how I express myself, however vulgar or not, it's simply a way to let others know they can't get to me. With all the hate I had experienced, it just became second nature to be a sarcastic asshole all the time.